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innerslytherinI'm viewing this last episode of CM through a very personal lens. The short story is, I found the concept unbelievable, even though I loved watching Hotch, Rossi, & Prentiss in particular.
I've been thinking about the latest installment of CM, and though I adore Rossi and thought Em was seriously smokin' in this episode, I didn't care for the actual case.
I'm speaking not as a fan here, but as a woman who has seen dementia up close and personal. I just can't see that the episode writer (whoever it was) could have had personal experience with Alzheimer's. I don't believe it's Travanti's acting I have trouble with, but maybe it's that.
Or maybe it's the spoilers/episode promo stuff that was posted.
I was expecting an old, ailing man who killed on impulse. A man who experienced moments of lucidity where he was covered in blood and had no idea how he'd gotten that way. I was expecting a man like Gedna (my Grandma Edna), who wrote incomprehensible letters and called my dad to ask what my last name and address was (the same as her last name, by the way). And those weren't in the advanced stages of her dementia. She forgot birthdays, or sometimes remembered the birthday but forgot that she'd sent a card, so she sent two. She randomly spoke aloud to my grandpa, who died in 1999. She once, in fact, forgot that he'd been dead for several years. She got up from her recliner, went to the garage, and came back, then told my dad, "I can't imagine what's taking Bob so long."
I wasn't expecting a guy who was having some trouble remembering what he did on Tuesday (I have trouble with that, folks) and who coerced his son into helping him abduct, torture, rape, and murder women. First of all, we've already recently had one guy (Spicer) who was traumatized as a child and didn't remember; so wtf is up with having another person traumatized as a kid and not remembering it? Second of all, WTF?
I will admit that the children of dementia patients experience denial. My dad and his brother didn't realize--didn't admit--how bad Gedna was getting. They didn't take her keys away until she'd been packing up the car for road trips and driving aimlessly around town. They let her live on her own (except for a few weeks that I stayed with her following an illness, which was my own brand of hell on earth) until her sisters told Dad she needed care.
In fact, in a sense, the inaction of my dad and his brother was probably partially responsible for their uncle's death. We live an hour from where she lived, so we couldn't be with her all the time. My Great-Uncle Ed took care of her with such tenderness and patience it was amazing. He was our rock. He called us when he thought she needed things that only Dad could provide. He looked in on her several times a week and got her sisters and sisters-in-law to look in on her too. And a couple of years ago he got in the car, ready to go somewhere with his wife, and died.
Just like that. No warning, no heatlh conditions. I suspect he was just worn out and under too much stress. And part of that was Gedna, and the fact that my dad and his brother couldn't admit that their mom was mentally gone. It was after Ed's death that the aunts (Gedna's four older sisters) sat Dad down and told him that she needed to be in assisted living. Dad started the process, because in case y'all didn't know, there's a LOT of red tape that goes into having a senior citizen mentally incompetent and having her unwillingly committed to care. And damn, was she unwilling.
Of course, she also didn't really understand what was going on. Dad was just taking her to doctor's appointments, because every time he tried to talk to her about it, she forgot. Every time he tried to make her see she needed some help, she denied it. (I'll give the writers of the episode this: they definitely got that stubbornness and denial on the part of the patient down right.) So one day we just showed up at her house with the truck and moved her into an assisted living apartment.
It sucked. A lot. And let me tell you, the burden of guilt in the child of a dementia patient is incredible. My dad is still struggling with guilt and depression over that, just as much as the grief of losing his mother. He took away her freedom. He locked her up. He removed her from all that was familiar because it just wasn't safe anymore, not even with the benefits that routine & the familiar provide to dementia patients.
But in my experience, the children of adults with Alzheimer's sin through omission, not commission. That is, they are paralyzed by uncertainty, grief, fear, sadness, guilt. They aren't motivated to do things like, oh, abduct and torture women. They don't do things like buying the Alzheimer's patient a new car to go cruising forgetfully around in.
Wow, that's a lot of tl;dr and a lot of personal crap. And I know it's just my own experience. But I've done a lot of talking with other people in the same position as my dad, and my experience is common among the three of us. If you guys have had experience in this, I'd be interested to hear it. Maybe there's an angle I'm not seeing.
On a different aspect of the episode, did anyone see the Weed Eater Gube got his head caught in? Because I think some lawn care professional must be missing it. >.>
I've been thinking about the latest installment of CM, and though I adore Rossi and thought Em was seriously smokin' in this episode, I didn't care for the actual case.
I'm speaking not as a fan here, but as a woman who has seen dementia up close and personal. I just can't see that the episode writer (whoever it was) could have had personal experience with Alzheimer's. I don't believe it's Travanti's acting I have trouble with, but maybe it's that.
Or maybe it's the spoilers/episode promo stuff that was posted.
I was expecting an old, ailing man who killed on impulse. A man who experienced moments of lucidity where he was covered in blood and had no idea how he'd gotten that way. I was expecting a man like Gedna (my Grandma Edna), who wrote incomprehensible letters and called my dad to ask what my last name and address was (the same as her last name, by the way). And those weren't in the advanced stages of her dementia. She forgot birthdays, or sometimes remembered the birthday but forgot that she'd sent a card, so she sent two. She randomly spoke aloud to my grandpa, who died in 1999. She once, in fact, forgot that he'd been dead for several years. She got up from her recliner, went to the garage, and came back, then told my dad, "I can't imagine what's taking Bob so long."
I wasn't expecting a guy who was having some trouble remembering what he did on Tuesday (I have trouble with that, folks) and who coerced his son into helping him abduct, torture, rape, and murder women. First of all, we've already recently had one guy (Spicer) who was traumatized as a child and didn't remember; so wtf is up with having another person traumatized as a kid and not remembering it? Second of all, WTF?
I will admit that the children of dementia patients experience denial. My dad and his brother didn't realize--didn't admit--how bad Gedna was getting. They didn't take her keys away until she'd been packing up the car for road trips and driving aimlessly around town. They let her live on her own (except for a few weeks that I stayed with her following an illness, which was my own brand of hell on earth) until her sisters told Dad she needed care.
In fact, in a sense, the inaction of my dad and his brother was probably partially responsible for their uncle's death. We live an hour from where she lived, so we couldn't be with her all the time. My Great-Uncle Ed took care of her with such tenderness and patience it was amazing. He was our rock. He called us when he thought she needed things that only Dad could provide. He looked in on her several times a week and got her sisters and sisters-in-law to look in on her too. And a couple of years ago he got in the car, ready to go somewhere with his wife, and died.
Just like that. No warning, no heatlh conditions. I suspect he was just worn out and under too much stress. And part of that was Gedna, and the fact that my dad and his brother couldn't admit that their mom was mentally gone. It was after Ed's death that the aunts (Gedna's four older sisters) sat Dad down and told him that she needed to be in assisted living. Dad started the process, because in case y'all didn't know, there's a LOT of red tape that goes into having a senior citizen mentally incompetent and having her unwillingly committed to care. And damn, was she unwilling.
Of course, she also didn't really understand what was going on. Dad was just taking her to doctor's appointments, because every time he tried to talk to her about it, she forgot. Every time he tried to make her see she needed some help, she denied it. (I'll give the writers of the episode this: they definitely got that stubbornness and denial on the part of the patient down right.) So one day we just showed up at her house with the truck and moved her into an assisted living apartment.
It sucked. A lot. And let me tell you, the burden of guilt in the child of a dementia patient is incredible. My dad is still struggling with guilt and depression over that, just as much as the grief of losing his mother. He took away her freedom. He locked her up. He removed her from all that was familiar because it just wasn't safe anymore, not even with the benefits that routine & the familiar provide to dementia patients.
But in my experience, the children of adults with Alzheimer's sin through omission, not commission. That is, they are paralyzed by uncertainty, grief, fear, sadness, guilt. They aren't motivated to do things like, oh, abduct and torture women. They don't do things like buying the Alzheimer's patient a new car to go cruising forgetfully around in.
Wow, that's a lot of tl;dr and a lot of personal crap. And I know it's just my own experience. But I've done a lot of talking with other people in the same position as my dad, and my experience is common among the three of us. If you guys have had experience in this, I'd be interested to hear it. Maybe there's an angle I'm not seeing.
On a different aspect of the episode, did anyone see the Weed Eater Gube got his head caught in? Because I think some lawn care professional must be missing it. >.>
no subject
Date: 2010-10-09 10:05 pm (UTC)