escape yourself and gravity

I said goodbye to my kitty today.

Last night he was pretty miserable and I stayed up with him until about 2 am, when he finally slept. Today I stayed home from work. Since getting sick earlier in the week he's been pretty insistent about wanting to sleep in the shower downstairs. I don't know why being soaked appealed to him, because he didn't seem to be running a temperature. But anyway, this morning I let him sleep in the shower while I napped nearby.

This afternoon I tried yet again to get him to eat something, and he wouldn't. About an hour after that I was reading on the bench in the bathroom to keep him company, when he came out of the shower and looked at me. I took him out to the front porch, because he used to love lying on the front porch. When we got out there, he threw up what looked like a hell of a lot of blood.

Mom was already going to the vet's office, to pick up some Buprenorphine to try to make him more comfortable. I called her and told her to stay, and I met her there. Dr Jon agreed that Merlin was one pretty sick kitty, and said that they could try a fluid IV; if he would tolerate it, and if he responded to it, (both of those pretty big ifs) I might have a few more weeks or a couple more months. No more than that.

Merlin was so listless and weak that he didn't even growl at Dr Jon, let alone try to bite him. Dr Jon gave us some time to say goodbye, and then I stayed there while he put Merlin to sleep.

I'm desperately sad right now, even though I know it was the right decision. He was miserable and I am pretty sure he was ready to go. We had eighteen years together, most of them wonderful, despite the biting and the fits he used to have. I got him when I was sixteen, so we spent over half of my life together.

I keep expecting to hear his little paws running across the hardwood floors, or his "mama" meow that meant he wanted my attention. And I keep coming across more little things that he left places after playing with them, or water bowls that I moved this week trying to get him to drink. I see the windowsill Dad put in this fall, deliberately designed to be wide enough for Merlin to enjoy sitting in the window.

This sucks. But life without Merlin would have sucked more.

His last day with me


( More pictures )

Warning: This post contains ranting and bad language fueled by two glasses of bourbon.  Really damn good bourbon.

Seriously, there were actually peopled saddened by the cancellation of Criminal Minds: Stupid Bullshit?  Color me astonished.  As for me, I got an email from my best friend this morning, subject line "Hahahahahahahaha!" and message text, "Suspect Behavior got cancelled!  Hahahahaha!"  So that pretty much sums up my feelings.

And yes, I did actually watch it tonight.  And it sucked even worse than I remembered.  I thought Forrest Whitacker was a good actor?  I mean, I liked him in Last King of Scotland.  What happened, did he get aphasia since that movie?  Coop's dialogue was comprised of entirely obvious statements and had...all...these...ridiculous...pauses...in it.  Like that would make him more profound sounding?  Um, no.  Kick Coop to the curb and give me my Hotch.

Speaking of which, GIVE THOMAS GIBSON A FUCKING CONTRACT ALREADY, YOU DOUCHEBAGS!  File this under CBS sucks.

( Spoilers for CM Finale )

Merlin kitty is still feeling very bad.  He's not eating much and not drinking at all that I can tell.  It doesn't help that I couldn't remember what a CC was last night when I gave him his first dose of antibiotics, so I didn't give him enough.  But he's been very listless and limp all evening, and he has peed in two places that aren't his litterbox, which is 100% not his style.  He'll poop where-the-fuck-ever these days, but he's only ONCE peed in an inappropriate place, and that was intentional when he was seriously ticked at me for some reason.  I think I'd been gone for a few days.  Anyway, he's incredibly miserable, and I am still not convinced that the end is not approaching.  I'm alternating being at peace with that if it happens and being heartbroken over it.

:/  It might seem petty (not to mention hypocritical after all the F-bombs I've dropped already), but if you pray, please pray for my cat.  I am childfree by choice, and he is my baby boy as much as anyone will ever be.  I'm not one of those people who thinks that my cat should be treated like a human child by other people, but I definitely treat him that way, and I'm once again reminded of just how fucking hard it is to be a mom.

Okay, really, I'm going to bed now. PBS is evil. They sucked me in with a special on Al-Andalus and Moorish Spain. Since I'm absolutely fascinated by that time period and region, I couldn't walk away. But now I've escaped and I'm going to bed.

So when we were almost home I got a text message from Mom with a picture:

( Ophidiophobes beware )

What may not be immediately apparent in looking at the picture (as it wasn't to me at the time), the garter snake is caught in the netting that we have over the strawberry patch to keep the birds from eating them. And when I say caught, I mean he was caught but good. Two places he'd made it through, then expanded and had the netting dug into his scales. At one of the spots I think it had cut him. So the moment I got home, I had to pull out the pocket knife and use it to cut him free of the netting. Fortunately I'm pretty sure I managed to cut the netting without cutting him. He was very calm the whole time I was handling him, like he realized I was trying to help. The moment he realized he was free, he slithered away...directly into the strawberry patch where my snake-fearing aunt was supposed to pick tonight. I wasn't fast enough to stop him because I didn't want to hurt him worse.

When I got in the door, I discovered that my cat had jumped the screen that usually blocks his room, and then gotten trapped outside his room with food, water, and litter. So there was cat poop on the living room floor. As soon as Dad came into the house, Merlin started rubbing up against him, then bit him savagely and wouldn't let go. So Dad was bruised and bloody, and Merlin got himself a kick. Merlin was pretty unhappy but I gave him quite a talking to about his behavior. It took years, but I finally became the dominant of our little two-animal 'pack'...but Merlin obviously considers Dad to be a lesser pack member. So I spent some time cleaning up that mess, and then devising a gate that he can't jump.

I am exhausted, and it's not bedtime yet. :P

Imagine, if you will, a queen-sized bed. With obstacles to getting to the centre of it. Then imagine a cat, yowling unhappily, making its way to the centre of it. Underneath it. With about 8 inches clearance.

And throwing up.

I am NOT a happy cat mom right now.

20149 / 50000 words. 40% done!

*sigh* I really would have liked to break 25k today, but hey, I got three loads of laundry done. And Merlin is eating solid food again and begging me to share my chicken with him, so all is normal in his world, huzzah. He is currently curled up on my Recliner of +2 Sleepiness, with his head in a donkey's butt. *snerk* No, seriously. He seems very content there.

I have sent my SnuSa to beta and am hoping it requires little editing. *g* We'll see.

18778 / 50000 words. 38% done!

At this point I really need someone whose read what I have to discuss this stuff with, and slightlyjillian doesn't seem to be home and astraea36 is probably not around since Ray is OMGhomeYAY!!! I have been lucky in that _lore is great for bouncing ideas off of, with Snupin fics...but the downside is, I've got used to having a plot sounding-board, and I don't have one for my novel at the moment!

In other news, I absolutely love Ceredwen, particularly their album O'r Mabinogi: Legends of the Celts. This song "Tir Gwastraff/Cwynfan Pryderi" ("The Wasteland/Pryderi's Lament") is my favourite, though "Porth Annwn" ("The Gates of Annwn") is a close second.

It is 44 F in Indiana, but for some reason that temperature always gets into my bones and makes me feel like I'm freezing to death. So I have my space heater going, and have opened a bottle of Oliver's Soft Red (for two reasons: 1) it makes me feel warmer, and 2) I always drink a bottle of wine during NaNoWriMo: Oliver's Soft Red for the past two years, and Martini & Rossi's Asti the two years before that.)

That reminds me. I mentioned that I went to Oliver Winery with the parents the other day. (And I have to say, it was by far the best time I've had doing a wine-tasting. I've done that half a dozen times over the past few years, and though I liked the people at Round Barn Winery in Michigan, Oliver still wins my highest approval rating. We arrived at 20 minutes till closing, not sure if we'd have time for a tasting, and they still did a full tasting and took time to find something all of us liked, even the non-drinking parents. And we still got out of there less than 10 minutes after their closing time, but didn't feel rushed at all.) I've wanted to try a riesling wine ever since gonzothegreat mentioned them. At that time I had just started taking a medication that I wasn't supposed to mix with alcohol. Four years later, I've mixed it several times with no ill effects and have started drinking more wine. So I tried Oliver's Riesling 2006. I liked it all right, so the guy doing our tasting told me to try their Traminette 2006. BINGO! I am in love. It's a fabulous wine, described by their website as "Floral, fruity and inviting, this grape loves our Indiana climate. A delicious match with baklava." He told me it also goes well with spicy foods. Unfortunately it's a tasting-room wine, which means you can only get it by going to the winery. I anticipate at least one more trip to Bloomington this year, _lore. I'd love to actually spend time with you and J the next time I'm down there. ^_^

Merlin seems to be feeling better. At least, he hasn't vomited for about five hours, though of course I've also only had him on water for the past 9 or so hours. He still growls if I snuggle him too much, but then again he always does that.

Merlin-kitty isn't feeling good today. In fact it started very early this morning. ( Cut for TMI )

It came on pretty quickly, because yesterday morning he was very active, and we were having fun playing a game. *wibbles more*

I have to share this, because I have just been guilty of committing this sin, as witnessed by astraea36.




Note: I have reproduced the original ALT tag from www.xkcd.com for your enjoyment. His ALT tags are always funny.

*grin*

Dear Flist,

NEVER pick up a peeing cat.

That is your lesson for today.