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innerslytherinTitle: Trust and Regret
Rating: PG
Pairings: Rossi/Prentiss, Hotch/Reid
WC: 1717
Summary: Commack, Long Island, isn't a good experience for anyone. Tag to "Reckoner".
Notes: Thanks toresolucidity for the fast beta. SPOILERS for 5x03. This is a sequel to my fics Not So Alone, Weeping Endures for a Night, and The Blink of an Eye.
Emily had never heard of Emma Louise Schuler. She couldn't say she liked hearing about her for the first time in front of the entire team and a Long Island detective, either. She focused on the case, on getting Garcia to run financial records on Judge Schuler, but for the first time in her life she thought she had an idea of how other people felt when they had to keep working while emotions raged through them.
She hated it. If this was what emotions got her, she'd take compartmentalization any day. Damn David Rossi, anyway.
***
Of course he'd lied. It had been the only way to stay near Aaron, and that was all Spencer wanted. It had helped that the entire team knew damn well Aaron had done the same thing back when they were working the Angel Maker case. Aaron couldn't exactly punish him for clearing himself to fly.
Well, he could, but the worst he could do was leave Spencer behind, and Garcia was mostly good company, except for her incredible territorial behavior regarding her computers. It was almost ironic as he thought back to a case they'd had to leave Gideon behind, and Garcia had ended up with an iPod and flowers to thank her for putting up with Gideon. Somehow Spencer thought he was doing even worse than Gideon did. But he had to be there for the video calls. He had to see Aaron. He had to know how he was doing.
***
The lie about Emma had been a bad idea. Dave had known it even as the words poured out of his mouth. He knew Emily was just on the other side of the glass, and he'd known Aaron was there too. Aaron wouldn't believe it, but he wouldn't tell Emily, and Emily wouldn't ask. And Dave would be in a shitload of trouble when he got home.
Damn Spencer Reid for not getting himself properly cleared to fly, anyway. That was the only reason Dave had had to come along on this case.
Dave didn't even know what was going on with Aaron any more. He could understand Aaron being hung up over missing Jack's fourth birthday. But the way he was worried about Haley when she was doing everything she could to fuck up the federal government's efforts to keep her and Jack safe... Well, Dave couldn't stand it. That was the real reason he'd reminded Aaron about the pure things in life. Haley wasn't pure, and they both knew it.
Of course, Dave wasn't sure he had any room to talk, but Jack was pure, and Spencer's feelings for Aaron were pure, if Aaron would ever see them.
***
More than anything, it was the fact that Dave hadn't cared about Emma's marriage that hurt her. She'd spent too many years watching her father sneaking around behind her mother's back. She'd seen what her mother made of herself in response. Emily Prentiss wouldn't be that woman. And if Dave couldn't respect marriage vows, even from the outside, she had no place for him in her life.
So she focused on JJ during the flight home. She got her best friend tea whenever she needed it, and held her hand when she thought it was necessary, and let JJ snuggle against her shoulder to go to sleep. She concentrated on the fact that JJ would need her at least until Emily got her home to her fiancé and son. She'd worry about the rest of it later.
She knew Dave and Hotch were sitting together, and she selfishly hoped Hotch could help Dave deal with his guilt over getting Ray Finnegan killed. She knew that was supposed to be her job, but she wasn't sure if she could deal with Dave asking things of her. Not after what she'd heard today.
She'd guarded herself so carefully for years, afraid to trust anyone, afraid to fall for anyone. And then she'd met Dave, and she couldn't resist his magnetism or the frank, friendly way he'd gotten her to trust him. But she still guarded her heart, because he'd been married three times and divorced three times. He wasn't exactly the sort of guy she could afford to take a risk on.
But she'd lost herself anyway, bit by bit, until they were both forced to admit what they both already knew--this relationship did mean something. It meant a lot. Emily was head over heels in love with him.
And no matter how she tried, she couldn't stop feeling betrayed by the fact that she'd never heard of Emma Schuler, but Dave had obviously loved the woman all his life.
***
Aaron knew what Dave was trying to say, and he didn't think it was fair, for a couple of reasons. First of all the way Dave was hung up on Emma seemed a disservice to Emily, and while Aaron knew he should be discouraging that relationship in the interests of team stability, he couldn't help but see how good they were together. Emily liked Dave's books, but she was used to hanging out with all kinds of foreign dignitaries, so she wasn't overawed by his fame. And Dave was obviously drawn to that as well as to Emily's brains and beauty.
But it wasn't just that. Aaron's marriage was over. And if Dave was trying to urge him to reconcile with Haley...it wasn't going to happen. He had forgiven her for cheating on him. How could he not? She'd needed someone to be there for her, and he hadn't done that. But he didn't think he would ever be able to trust her again. Not to mention that she would demand he leave the BAU, and he'd tried that. Even knowing the team was capable of running without him...he wasn't capable of running without the team. He needed this, and he'd thought Dave would understand that.
Besides, Aaron could never reconcile with Haley when he'd come to look at another man the way he looked at Spencer Reid.
There was nothing there, of course, and there couldn't be. But Aaron had never even looked at anyone else during the whole of his marriage with Haley. The thought had never crossed his mind. Once he'd been allowed to look, he'd realized that he'd been suppressing an attraction to Spencer for years. It wouldn't be fair to Haley for Aaron to try to recreate a relationship with her now that he'd acknowledged that attraction to someone else.
"Dave," he said quietly, and his friend looked up from the locket he was still holding. "Emily is still alive. Don't waste your time regretting might-have-beens when you have something wonderful right now."
Dave's eyes widened, then he looked back down at the locket. After a moment he closed it and held it out. Aaron hesitated, then took it. "Thanks," Dave said gruffly. "And Aaron, you have something pretty wonderful being offered to you. Don't overlook it."
It surprised him, but it shouldn't. After all, Dave knew him better than anyone. Aaron shook his head. "It would be inappropriate."
"No one here would care. This team wants you to be happy." Dave leaned forward. "Trust me on this."
Aaron held his gaze for a while, then nodded slowly.
***
When they got to the bullpen, Emily was almost disappointed to see Will sitting in her chair and talking to Spencer. Henry was bouncing in Spencer's lap, looking perfectly happy to be there. Emily told herself it was good that Spencer had called Will. She just wished she still had some responsibility so she didn't have to face Dave.
Part of her felt guilty for reducing it to that. Hotch had missed his son's birthday. JJ had ended up covered in someone else's blood and had to throw away her shirt and have blood drawn for testing. Dave had seen one of his childhood best friends killed on this case. It didn't matter what Ray Finnegan was. What mattered was who he was, and that was Dave's old friend. Emily felt petty for even caring about her romance when Dave had to be hurting. When everyone was hurting.
But she was hurting too, and for once in her life she couldn't push the pain into a box to deal with it later. She said goodbye to JJ and her family and settled down to try to do some paperwork, but she had a hard time focusing on it. After a while she just rested her forehead in her hand and closed her eyes.
"Hey." She started and looked up. Dave was standing by her desk, his expression unreadable. "Buy you a drink?"
It was their standard euphemism for spending the night together, but she didn't feel like it tonight. She didn't feel like going home alone, either, but it seemed preferable to deal with this. "I don't know," she began, but Dave interrupted.
"Please." His voice was quiet but urgent, and suddenly she recognized the expression as the one he wore when he was pleading but was trying to protect himself.
She bit her lip, then nodded. It only took a moment to shut her computer down. It was only when she turned to tell Reid and Morgan she was leaving that she noticed everyone else was gone. She frowned. She hadn't seen them go.
"Spencer's in Aaron's office," Dave offered after a moment. She turned her head to stare at him and he chuckled. "I know."
She licked her lips, then shook her head. "Dave, I don't know what..."
"I didn't sleep with Emma Schuler," Dave said. "I invented that entire encounter. I just wanted to get the truth from him." His gaze was steady on hers. He reached out a hand, waiting for her to take it. "Emily, I love you. Please come home with me."
Her mouth fell open and she just stared at him. He'd said it so simply, right in the middle of the bullpen. It didn't matter that no one else was around. It was still their place of work. His gaze didn't leave her face. She closed her eyes for a moment.
Could she do this? Could she open herself further to being hurt? Could she trust him?
Could she not?
She opened her eyes and took his hand.
Rating: PG
Pairings: Rossi/Prentiss, Hotch/Reid
WC: 1717
Summary: Commack, Long Island, isn't a good experience for anyone. Tag to "Reckoner".
Notes: Thanks to
resolucidity for the fast beta. SPOILERS for 5x03. This is a sequel to my fics Not So Alone, Weeping Endures for a Night, and The Blink of an Eye.Emily had never heard of Emma Louise Schuler. She couldn't say she liked hearing about her for the first time in front of the entire team and a Long Island detective, either. She focused on the case, on getting Garcia to run financial records on Judge Schuler, but for the first time in her life she thought she had an idea of how other people felt when they had to keep working while emotions raged through them.
She hated it. If this was what emotions got her, she'd take compartmentalization any day. Damn David Rossi, anyway.
***
Of course he'd lied. It had been the only way to stay near Aaron, and that was all Spencer wanted. It had helped that the entire team knew damn well Aaron had done the same thing back when they were working the Angel Maker case. Aaron couldn't exactly punish him for clearing himself to fly.
Well, he could, but the worst he could do was leave Spencer behind, and Garcia was mostly good company, except for her incredible territorial behavior regarding her computers. It was almost ironic as he thought back to a case they'd had to leave Gideon behind, and Garcia had ended up with an iPod and flowers to thank her for putting up with Gideon. Somehow Spencer thought he was doing even worse than Gideon did. But he had to be there for the video calls. He had to see Aaron. He had to know how he was doing.
***
The lie about Emma had been a bad idea. Dave had known it even as the words poured out of his mouth. He knew Emily was just on the other side of the glass, and he'd known Aaron was there too. Aaron wouldn't believe it, but he wouldn't tell Emily, and Emily wouldn't ask. And Dave would be in a shitload of trouble when he got home.
Damn Spencer Reid for not getting himself properly cleared to fly, anyway. That was the only reason Dave had had to come along on this case.
Dave didn't even know what was going on with Aaron any more. He could understand Aaron being hung up over missing Jack's fourth birthday. But the way he was worried about Haley when she was doing everything she could to fuck up the federal government's efforts to keep her and Jack safe... Well, Dave couldn't stand it. That was the real reason he'd reminded Aaron about the pure things in life. Haley wasn't pure, and they both knew it.
Of course, Dave wasn't sure he had any room to talk, but Jack was pure, and Spencer's feelings for Aaron were pure, if Aaron would ever see them.
***
More than anything, it was the fact that Dave hadn't cared about Emma's marriage that hurt her. She'd spent too many years watching her father sneaking around behind her mother's back. She'd seen what her mother made of herself in response. Emily Prentiss wouldn't be that woman. And if Dave couldn't respect marriage vows, even from the outside, she had no place for him in her life.
So she focused on JJ during the flight home. She got her best friend tea whenever she needed it, and held her hand when she thought it was necessary, and let JJ snuggle against her shoulder to go to sleep. She concentrated on the fact that JJ would need her at least until Emily got her home to her fiancé and son. She'd worry about the rest of it later.
She knew Dave and Hotch were sitting together, and she selfishly hoped Hotch could help Dave deal with his guilt over getting Ray Finnegan killed. She knew that was supposed to be her job, but she wasn't sure if she could deal with Dave asking things of her. Not after what she'd heard today.
She'd guarded herself so carefully for years, afraid to trust anyone, afraid to fall for anyone. And then she'd met Dave, and she couldn't resist his magnetism or the frank, friendly way he'd gotten her to trust him. But she still guarded her heart, because he'd been married three times and divorced three times. He wasn't exactly the sort of guy she could afford to take a risk on.
But she'd lost herself anyway, bit by bit, until they were both forced to admit what they both already knew--this relationship did mean something. It meant a lot. Emily was head over heels in love with him.
And no matter how she tried, she couldn't stop feeling betrayed by the fact that she'd never heard of Emma Schuler, but Dave had obviously loved the woman all his life.
***
Aaron knew what Dave was trying to say, and he didn't think it was fair, for a couple of reasons. First of all the way Dave was hung up on Emma seemed a disservice to Emily, and while Aaron knew he should be discouraging that relationship in the interests of team stability, he couldn't help but see how good they were together. Emily liked Dave's books, but she was used to hanging out with all kinds of foreign dignitaries, so she wasn't overawed by his fame. And Dave was obviously drawn to that as well as to Emily's brains and beauty.
But it wasn't just that. Aaron's marriage was over. And if Dave was trying to urge him to reconcile with Haley...it wasn't going to happen. He had forgiven her for cheating on him. How could he not? She'd needed someone to be there for her, and he hadn't done that. But he didn't think he would ever be able to trust her again. Not to mention that she would demand he leave the BAU, and he'd tried that. Even knowing the team was capable of running without him...he wasn't capable of running without the team. He needed this, and he'd thought Dave would understand that.
Besides, Aaron could never reconcile with Haley when he'd come to look at another man the way he looked at Spencer Reid.
There was nothing there, of course, and there couldn't be. But Aaron had never even looked at anyone else during the whole of his marriage with Haley. The thought had never crossed his mind. Once he'd been allowed to look, he'd realized that he'd been suppressing an attraction to Spencer for years. It wouldn't be fair to Haley for Aaron to try to recreate a relationship with her now that he'd acknowledged that attraction to someone else.
"Dave," he said quietly, and his friend looked up from the locket he was still holding. "Emily is still alive. Don't waste your time regretting might-have-beens when you have something wonderful right now."
Dave's eyes widened, then he looked back down at the locket. After a moment he closed it and held it out. Aaron hesitated, then took it. "Thanks," Dave said gruffly. "And Aaron, you have something pretty wonderful being offered to you. Don't overlook it."
It surprised him, but it shouldn't. After all, Dave knew him better than anyone. Aaron shook his head. "It would be inappropriate."
"No one here would care. This team wants you to be happy." Dave leaned forward. "Trust me on this."
Aaron held his gaze for a while, then nodded slowly.
***
When they got to the bullpen, Emily was almost disappointed to see Will sitting in her chair and talking to Spencer. Henry was bouncing in Spencer's lap, looking perfectly happy to be there. Emily told herself it was good that Spencer had called Will. She just wished she still had some responsibility so she didn't have to face Dave.
Part of her felt guilty for reducing it to that. Hotch had missed his son's birthday. JJ had ended up covered in someone else's blood and had to throw away her shirt and have blood drawn for testing. Dave had seen one of his childhood best friends killed on this case. It didn't matter what Ray Finnegan was. What mattered was who he was, and that was Dave's old friend. Emily felt petty for even caring about her romance when Dave had to be hurting. When everyone was hurting.
But she was hurting too, and for once in her life she couldn't push the pain into a box to deal with it later. She said goodbye to JJ and her family and settled down to try to do some paperwork, but she had a hard time focusing on it. After a while she just rested her forehead in her hand and closed her eyes.
"Hey." She started and looked up. Dave was standing by her desk, his expression unreadable. "Buy you a drink?"
It was their standard euphemism for spending the night together, but she didn't feel like it tonight. She didn't feel like going home alone, either, but it seemed preferable to deal with this. "I don't know," she began, but Dave interrupted.
"Please." His voice was quiet but urgent, and suddenly she recognized the expression as the one he wore when he was pleading but was trying to protect himself.
She bit her lip, then nodded. It only took a moment to shut her computer down. It was only when she turned to tell Reid and Morgan she was leaving that she noticed everyone else was gone. She frowned. She hadn't seen them go.
"Spencer's in Aaron's office," Dave offered after a moment. She turned her head to stare at him and he chuckled. "I know."
She licked her lips, then shook her head. "Dave, I don't know what..."
"I didn't sleep with Emma Schuler," Dave said. "I invented that entire encounter. I just wanted to get the truth from him." His gaze was steady on hers. He reached out a hand, waiting for her to take it. "Emily, I love you. Please come home with me."
Her mouth fell open and she just stared at him. He'd said it so simply, right in the middle of the bullpen. It didn't matter that no one else was around. It was still their place of work. His gaze didn't leave her face. She closed her eyes for a moment.
Could she do this? Could she open herself further to being hurt? Could she trust him?
Could she not?
She opened her eyes and took his hand.
