Redemption - Part 16 - Return

[innerslytherin]

Return


Prompt: 83 - Fire
Pairing: Remus/Severus
Warnings: Slash
WC: 1879
Series so far:
1. Reconciliation 2. Rehabilitation 3. Recovery 4. Reply 5. Rediscovery 6. Receiving
7. Repartee 8. Relapse 9. Requisite 10. Retreat 11. Refining 12. Repose 13. Reconsidering
14. Renaissance 15. Retribution 16. Return 17.Rematch 18. Redefining 19. Relishing
20. Recognition 21. Remembering 22. Refrain 23. Reformation 24. Recrimination 25. Reliance
26. Reverting 27. Repercussion 28. Reminder


Thanks, as always, to astraea36 and thesnapelyone for betas.


Severus is staring at the fire while Remus talks with Healer Smethwyk.  They are in the discharge lobby of St Mungo’s, and Severus is very afraid that he looks as ill as he feels.

He has sternly informed his fluttering pulse that he is looking forward to not having to make the daily journey away from his home.  He has told his sweaty palms that he cares deeply for Remus—oh, all right, he loves him—and is eager to share his home.  He has even gone so far as to remind his roiling stomach that there is bound to be more physical intimacy in the future now that they will have privacy.

None of these thoughts have calmed the raging queasiness or the irregular pulse, though that last did force him to shift uncomfortably and adjust his robes somewhat.

A hand closes around his own and tugs.  “Sit down,” Remus says.  “You’re making me nervous.”

“I can’t imagine why,” Severus grouses, but he sits.  Remus smiles at him, which serves to melt his irritation, though it doesn’t do anything about his nerves.  Severus sighs but gives him a faint smile in return.

Smethwyk gives a triumphant “Hah!” and waves a paper in front of Remus.  “Here it is.  Your expenses were all covered by the Ministry’s War Veteran Fund.  You just need to sign here and you’re all set to go.”

Remus glances at Severus, a quick nervous glance, which makes Severus feel infinitely better.  As long as he isn’t the only one with a case of nerves about this, it’s all right.  Then Remus takes the quill confidently in hand and produces a signature that closely resembles the one Severus remembers from their days teaching together.

Remus takes a deep breath, his eyes closed.  Severus knows this feeling.  He is savouring the first moment of freedom.  He waits patiently until Remus looks up and smiles again.  “Well.  Are we ready?”

Severus gives him a grave nod in answer and stands up, waiting as Remus stands, too.  They are using the Floo because Remus’ magic still doesn’t allow him to Apparate.  Not that Severus minds at all.  He has already cleaned the fireplace at Spinner’s End, and had gone so far as to pay Dobby to give the house a thorough cleaning.  Dobby had been, he recalls, quite taken with Wolfsbane until the kitten chomped quite ferociously on one of the house elf’s overlarge ears.

Severus turns towards the fireplace, then pauses and looks at the Healer.  “Smethwyk.  Your work has been acceptable, and your bedside manner commendable.”  He gives a short nod, ignoring the look of surprise on Smethwyk’s face and Remus’ quiet laughter.  Taking a handful of Floo powder, he throws it into the fire, says quite clearly, “Spinner’s End”, and steps into the green flames.

.:.

Remus stumbles when he arrives, but Severus is already waiting to catch him.  Wolfsbane leaves off sunning himself on a windowsill and jumps down to trot over and greet them.  He seems entirely undisturbed by the fact that the fireplace has twice belched green fire and sparks.

Still leaning into Severus’ embrace, Remus smiles and leans down, holding out a hand for Wolfsbane to sniff.  The kitten licks him twice consideringly, then sinks his teeth into Remus’ finger, proving that he is truly as perverse as Severus suspected.  Severus hides a smile.

“Ouch!” Remus exclaims in surprise, and scoops Wolfsbane into his hand, lifting him up to cradle against his chest.  “That’s really quiet uncivilised,” he informs the cat, who yawns and settles down comfortably in his arms.

“You see what I deal with?” Severus points out, and then he urges Remus away from the fireplace to sit on the sofa.  After a moment’s hesitation, Severus joins him, though he sits far enough away that they aren’t touching.

Remus lifts his gaze from the cat to stare around at a room filled with books.  Severus feels suddenly naked as the other man inspects the room curiously.  For the first time he wishes he had put some money into fixing up the house before inviting Remus to come here.  But Remus’ gaze is curious and eager as he looks at the books that cover the walls and even one of the doors.  “Have you read all of these?” Remus asks.

Surprised by the question, though he can’t say why, Severus snorts.  “Of course not.  Some of them are reference books, some of them my mothers’ old books.  Though I have read most of them, I suppose.”

Remus tilts his head and smiles.  “I look forward to exploring them,” he says.  He scratches idly at Wolfsbane’s ears, and the kitten’s purr grows louder.

Severus shifts slightly and looks down at his hands, which are clasped loosely in his lap.  “This is the sitting room, obviously.  The kitchen is through the door just there,” he points, “and the stairs are that way.”  He indicates the book-covered door.  “Smethwyk told me I should have levitation spells and a cushioning charm on the stairs.  If you fall, you just need to say ‘help’ and the charms will activate.”

Remus nods, looking content.  “Yes, Hippocrates told me he’d given you a list of adjustments.  I do hope I’m not too much trouble.”

Severus looks at him, blinking his fringe out of his eyes.  “No,” he says quietly.  “You aren’t too much trouble.”

Remus’ smile spreads slowly across his face and he shifts closer to Severus.  “You were telling me about the house,” he says presently.  “Is this where you grew up?”

Severus nods.  “I sleep in the master bedroom.  The other room upstairs was mine; I used it for a study, but I’ve transfigured a bed in there for you.”  He watches Remus’ face closely as he says this.  He enjoys the kissing and touching they have done so far, and he finds Remus extremely desirable, but he knows he isn’t terribly tempting himself.  Remus may not want any further intimacy—or be ready for it.

For a moment Remus looks about to say something, then he nods.  He glances around the room for a moment.  “Is there a desk?” he asks finally.

“In your room?  Yes.”  Severus likes the way that sounds.  Then he wonders what it would be like to say ‘our room’ instead.  The thought makes him suck in his breath.

Remus tilts his head.  “All right, Severus?”

“I…perhaps…”  Severus shrugs and sighs.

Remus studies him for a few minutes, then says, “It’s past teatime.  Do you usually have tea, when you’re at home?”

Severus nods stiffly.

“And after tea, what?”

“I read, generally,” Severus says.

“That sounds nice.  Let’s do that,” Remus says, smiling.

“What, you just want to have tea and read?” Severus blurts before he can stop himself.

Remus’ smile widens.  “Did you expect something else?”

Embarrassed, Severus stands up.  “I’ll fix tea and bring it out,” he says.

Remus makes a face.  “I wasn’t making fun, Severus—“ he begins, then blinks.  “Well, I was, I suppose, but I didn’t mean it…well, meanly.”

Severus shrugs.  “I know,” he says, though he hadn’t.  It will take time to get used to having Remus tease him.  “I’ll be right back.”

When he returns, bearing a tray with tea, chocolate biscuits—and ginger biscuits, since Remus doesn’t seem to be extraordinarily fond of chocolate—and scones with clotted cream, Remus is up standing in front of the bookcase-covered door, hands clasped behind his back, studying the collection of books.

“I didn’t figure you for a fan of Muggle literature,” he says, turning slowly to smile at Severus.

Severus sniffs.  “Muggle literature, Wizarding literature—those are merely ridiculous labels.  It’s all literature.  If it’s good, it’s good, if it’s bad, it’s bad.  Besides, the Muggles have a better handle on philosophy than we do.”  He flicks his wand at the fire, which begins blazing and crackling comfortingly.

Remus smiles and limps back to settle next to Severus on the sofa.  “I suppose you’re right,” he says, reaching for a scone, “though I’d never thought of it that way.”

It’s pleasing to think he’s somehow made Remus rethink something.  Probably, he reflects, because so often it is the other way around.  He pours them both tea, remembering to add sugar to Remus’.

They have their tea and talk of inconsequential things as the fire banishes the chill of the house, and then Remus wanders to the bookcase to select a thin volume bound in red leather—Severus can’t see what it is, but it is from the history section, oddly.  Severus makes a noise of surprise.  “Are you really just going to sit there and read?”

Remus grins at him.  “I’m perfectly fine with that,” he says.  “After all, it’s much like my own routine.  If you’d prefer to do something different, or if you’d prefer I go upstairs, just tell me.”

Severus frowns at him for a time, but finally shakes his head.  “No, I…I think it’s pleasant to have you here.”  He picks up Crime and Punishment and attempts to lose himself in the novel, but he can’t ignore the sound of Remus’ breathing, the way he winces sometimes when he shifts, the occasional rasp of a finger against a page.

Finally Severus lowers his book and glances at Remus.  Remus is watching him.  Severus feels his face heat, but doesn’t look away—and a moment later he’s glad, because Remus has coloured, too.

“You could read to me, if you’d like,” Remus offers finally, his voice a whisper.

Severus considers this for approximately half a minute before he nods.  Reading aloud will give him occupation, keep him focused on the words, rather than allowing his thoughts to stray to the man who is sitting near him, but who seems suddenly worlds away.

Severus draws a breath and begins where he is.

‘"If he has a conscience he will suffer for his mistake. That will be his punishment--as well as the prison."

’"But the real geniuses," asked Razumihin frowning, "those who have the right to murder? Oughtn't they to suffer at all even for the blood they've shed?"

’"Why the word ought? It's not a matter of permission or prohibition. He will suffer if he is sorry for his victim. Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth," he added dreamily, not in the tone of the conversation….’



When Severus’ throat is dry, he looks up and sees that Remus has fallen into a doze, his head at an awkward angle.  Severus closes the book softly and then shifts closer.  He moves Remus gently into his arms, leaning his head against Severus’ shoulder instead of the back of the sofa.  This, he reflects, this moment, this situation, is so impossible and so right that his nervousness can’t stand in its face.  He must simply surrender to the happiness, even if it means he will be hurt more deeply if this all falls apart.  He brushes his lips across soft hair and gazes at the fading fire, smiling.  He has had great sadness, much of it brought upon himself, as he well knows.  But finally, he thinks, finally he also has great happiness.