FIC - At Duty's End [DH SPOILERS ABOUND]
Jul. 27th, 2007 04:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
innerslytherinTitle: At Duty's End
Pairing: Remus/Severus
Rating: PG (violence)
Notes: Thanks very much to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
_lore and thesnapelyone for being speed-betas.
WC: 2,285
SPOILERS FOR DH CONTAINED HEREIN
Remus Lupin darted to the Whomping Willow, using a slap of pure magic to hit the knot and freeze it, then dove into the tunnel. Please, don't let me be too late, he prayed. First Voldemort, then Harry, had taken his sweet time coming out, and the silvery doe Patronus, which had been dancing impatiently for several minutes, had suddenly winked out of existence entirely a few minutes ago. It had sent a jolt of panic through Remus that he was too late, that Severus had...
No. He wouldn't allow himself to think it. Severus had been prepared for anything that might happen. Some day, Remus thought, we will be free of all this guilt. I want to see his true Patronus form. He exhaled a violent sigh. I want to see him truly happy.
The plan had gone mostly as it was meant to, though he felt another moment's regret for Tonks and Charlie. Their deaths had certainly never been planned. The sham of a marriage between Remus and Tonks had been meant to spare Tonks and Charlie, while the Dragon Keeper tried to subvert some of the other Dark Creatures that Remus hadn't been able to reach. He'd left Charlie's body next to Tonks', but even now he couldn't let the ruse go...he'd charmed Charlie to look like him, because they had planned all along to fake Remus' death, and this way at least Charlie and Tonks could be buried together. Poor Teddy, growing up with a false name and now no parents, he thought, but it was the only thought he could spare for anyone besides his lover.
"Severus, Severus, Severus," Remus chanted under his breath, crawling frantically along the tunnel, ignoring rocks that bruised his elbows and low-hanging roots that clipped his head. "Severus!" he cried, as he came out into the room and saw him.
God, there's so much blood, he thought. He dropped to his knees and placed a frantic kiss on Severus' lips. "Please, Severus, please," he muttered.
Severus' eyelids fluttered open. "Feel like a bloody fairy-tale princess," he grumbled, his voice thready.
"What happened?"
Severus shrugged one shoulder awkwardly. "What do you think happened? Nagini. Bitch of a snake. I hope Potter kills her soon."
Remus' heart lurched. "The antivenin! It was enough?"
"Of course it was, you dolt. Did Lucius uphold his end of the bargain?" Severus began levering himself into a sitting position, but Remus pushed him down.
"You need a blood-replenishing potion," he said. "Of course he did. I told him Draco was safe in the Room of Requirement, and that was all he wanted to hear."
"Wish I'd known the Dark Lord would pick this place," Severus said. "I would have stocked it with pain potions, too." He fished a bottle out of his robes and took a large gulp. A little bit of potion trickled down his chin.
Remus wiped it away with a tender thumb. "Do you have the Draught of Living Death? I need to be ready, if Harry succumbs to the pull..." He trailed off. Dumbledore hadn't spoken to Severus of the Deathly Hallows. He had kept so many secrets to himself. Aberforth was still bitter about it, though Remus knew it had been done to protect people, as much as possible.
"I would feel better if it were me," Severus grumbled, holding out the bottle.
"It has to be me," Remus told him. "Harry wouldn't expect to see you at his death. Me, he'll expect."
"I just don't understand why it must be you!" Severus sounded petulant.
Remus shook his head. "When this is over, I'll explain my part of it. And then you can explain the things I don't know." He smiled briefly at Severus, then downed the potion...and everything went black.
It felt like only moments later that he was surrounded by James, Lily, and Sirius, who were all thumping his back and hugging him in greeting. He glanced around, wondering if he would have a chance to apologise to Tonks, but he saw no one else around.
"What happened? How did you go? Avenging my death, eh Moony?"
Remus smiled ruefully at Sirius. "Not quite. I've tried, but it's been all I could do to protect Tonks from Bellatrix."
"He was protecting Harry," Lily said, her voice quiet with certainty. Her face was glowing with love and pride.
"It's nearly time," Remus said, glancing at her. "He's going to face down Voldemort now."
James' eyes flashed as he lifted his head. "Then we have to find him. We must be there for him."
And then Remus felt a pull, inexorable and undefiable. Suddenly they were with Harry, who was walking into the Forbidden Forest, a resolute expression on his face. It was just as Dumbledore had said--Harry, having been given the Resurrection Stone, was unable to resist using it. Remus thought of the people he himself had lost and realised he wouldn't be able to resist any more than Harry and Dumbledore had been.
Remus' heart broke for Harry as he asked if dying would hurt. But he was proud, so proud, of the courage and determination he saw in Harry. The boy could barely take his eyes from his mother; it reminded Remus again of how desperately Harry had ached all his life for a connection to his parents. He thought of the way Harry had shouted at him, the last time they'd met at Grimmauld Place. It made much more sense now.
He'd been angry at the time--that he couldn't help Harry, that instead he had to continue with the pretence of a misguided marriage to a woman who was all kinds of wrong for him. It had infuriated him that no one else could see how horribly matched Remus and Tonks were and that he was being reprimanded for being a bad father to a child who wasn't even his. He hadn't handled that well--he should have been able to reply calmly that he and Tonks had talked it over and agreed Remus' responsibility was to Harry first. Perhaps he could have even thrown in some sentiments of Harry being like a son to Remus. But he'd been so bloody angry about the continuing farce, partly because he'd just been with Severus a few hours earlier and had seen firsthand the horrible strain on his lover, and partly because he knew from daily contact how taxing it was for Tonks to be away from Charlie.
As he watched Harry, he realised that they hadn't been summoned to be brought back, but to accompany Harry on his last, lonely walk towards Death. He was surprised and gratified that Harry could spare a thought for him in this moment, but he didn't stumble over his response that Teddy would know why Remus had died. He vowed that someday he would somehow make certain Teddy knew who his true father was.
They walked in silence with Harry, Lily's eyes streaming with tears. James was blinking suspiciously as well. Remus couldn't help wishing fiercely, for one moment, that he was truly reunited with them. That he could go with them when Harry was finished. He reached out a hand and clutched blindly at Sirius', aching for what he had lost.
But even as he thought it, he remembered the one person who had kept him sane over the past seventeen years, and he knew he would never willingly leave Severus alone. Severus had lived with the guilt and horror that his betrayal of the Potters had caused, and after their death, Remus and Severus had been drawn together in their grief. Remus didn't know when mutual grief had turned to friendship, or when friendship had turned to love. Perhaps Severus couldn't even have said. They had been sharing a bed for several years when Harry arrived as a first year at Hogwarts, and Remus had been grateful that the renewed reminder of Severus' old friendship--and sometime infatuation--with Lily had not been enough to destroy the love they had built together.
All the same, Dumbledore's punishment of Severus' old, old betrayal had cost them more than enough. He and Severus were due some real happiness, and the transitory peace that was creeping over Remus, here in the Forbidden Forest, wasn't enough to distract him from his aim.
He watched in silence as Harry confronted Voldemort, as he calmly and proudly defied the Dark Lord and allowed Voldemort to kill him. James and Lily immediately darted forward to cradle Harry's body, though of course they couldn't really touch him. He hadn't even seen them from the moment he dropped the Resurrection Stone. Sirius clutched at Remus' hands, then exclaimed in surprise as James and Lily stood, smiling, and returned to them.
"He isn't dead," Lily said.
"Lily's love has protected him one last time," James added.
"Perhaps it is his own love," Lily said, smiling. "Or perhaps his courage." She turned her brilliant green gaze on Remus. "Come with us, old friend. You will finally have joy and peace."
James put an arm around his wife. Sirius turned to watch Remus, an eager expression on his face. Remus shook his head.
"I'm sorry," he said. "There's still someone who needs me in life."
Sirius looked shocked. "You can't linger! Moony, you'd be a horrible ghost! You'd never haunt anybody, you'd only hang about the library and read ghost books."
Remus chuckled. "I'm not quite dead, Sirius," he said. He glanced at Lily. "I'm here because there's someone who has been trying for seventeen years to make amends to his best friend."
Lily's expression changed, her gaze avid on Remus' face. "Severus," she breathed.
Sirius growled and James frowned, but Remus nodded. "And he is due some happiness, finally," he said. "We've done all we can, he and I, to make certain Harry would live and defeat Voldemort. And now...I want Severus to be happy."
"I forgave him," Lily said, her voice quavering. "I forgave him years ago."
"I'll be certain he knows that finally," Remus said. He turned his gaze on Sirius. "I know you probably don't like it, but I love Severus, and have for years. I'll bring him along when I finally join you." He smiled.
Sirius didn't like it, that was obvious, but he sighed. "As long as you're happy, Moony." He gripped Remus' shoulders tightly, then kissed his cheek. "That's all I could ever ask for."
James patted Remus' back, smiling at him. "Thank you for all you did for our boy," he murmured. "Thank you, Moony."
Lily wrapped slender arms around him. "Remus John Lupin," she whispered, "you must be happy, as well. You've kept the faith. I'm glad Severus has you." She kissed the cheek Sirius hadn't, and then, abruptly, they were fading.
Remus glanced around, surprised, and realised that he was fading, as well. The potion must be wearing off.
He opened his eyes and found Severus' gaze warm on his face. Severus leaned down and kissed him.
"Sleeping beauty," he joked, and Severus snorted.
"Potter?"
"Let Voldemort kill him," Remus replied. At Severus' expression of surprise and alarm, he added, "It was as it needed to be. And Lily...Lily said he wasn't really dead."
Severus' expression faded into painful longing. "You saw her."
"She forgives you, Severus," Remus said, lifting a hand to touch his lover's cheek. "She forgave you years ago."
Severus was silent for a long time, tilting his head so his hair hid his face. "Easy for her to say now," he said finally, his voice a croak. "I hated her."
"You loved her, too," Remus said. "And she was your best friend. It's all right. She understands."
Severus sighed and lifted his head, pulling Remus into his arms. "I love you, you know," he murmured. "Even though you drive me mad with your secrets and your optimism."
Remus sighed and clutched at Severus. "Dumbledore made me swear," he said. "He needed someone else to know about the Hallows, in case Harry failed. I think he chose me because he knew I would keep on fighting as long as you did." He swallowed. "And if you died, I would fight on until I'd avenged you, or got myself killed in the attempt."
Severus made an injured noise but didn't let go of him.
"I don't suppose we have any tea?"
Severus shuddered and took a long breath. "A flask of Firewhiskey," he said.
"That will have to do." Remus lifted his head to kiss Severus' cheek. "Let me sit up, and I'll tell you a story. Have you ever read 'The Tale of the Three Brothers'...?"
It felt like days later, though it had only been about three hours, when a distant explosion rocked the Shack. Remus shifted in Severus' arms and let out a long breath. "That's it. He's killed Voldemort."
Severus pulled away and held his left arm out in front of them, staring in disbelief as the Mark faded from his arm. He turned shining eyes up to Remus' face.
"You're free," Remus whispered. He drew in a long breath and cupped Severus' face in his hands. "You're free."
Severus leaned forward until his lips were brushing Remus'. "We are free," he whispered, and kissed Remus reverently.
They had planned for this moment, even as they feared to be too optimistic. Two trunks and a knapsack of food awaited them, and there were unregistered, illegal Portkeys that would take them away. Remus didn't know where; he had left those preparations to Severus, who had had power with the new Ministry. He wasn't fussed--wherever they went, he would be with Severus, which was what truly mattered.
All was well.
Pairing: Remus/Severus
Rating: PG (violence)
Notes: Thanks very much to
_lore and thesnapelyone for being speed-betas.WC: 2,285
SPOILERS FOR DH CONTAINED HEREIN
Remus Lupin darted to the Whomping Willow, using a slap of pure magic to hit the knot and freeze it, then dove into the tunnel. Please, don't let me be too late, he prayed. First Voldemort, then Harry, had taken his sweet time coming out, and the silvery doe Patronus, which had been dancing impatiently for several minutes, had suddenly winked out of existence entirely a few minutes ago. It had sent a jolt of panic through Remus that he was too late, that Severus had...
No. He wouldn't allow himself to think it. Severus had been prepared for anything that might happen. Some day, Remus thought, we will be free of all this guilt. I want to see his true Patronus form. He exhaled a violent sigh. I want to see him truly happy.
The plan had gone mostly as it was meant to, though he felt another moment's regret for Tonks and Charlie. Their deaths had certainly never been planned. The sham of a marriage between Remus and Tonks had been meant to spare Tonks and Charlie, while the Dragon Keeper tried to subvert some of the other Dark Creatures that Remus hadn't been able to reach. He'd left Charlie's body next to Tonks', but even now he couldn't let the ruse go...he'd charmed Charlie to look like him, because they had planned all along to fake Remus' death, and this way at least Charlie and Tonks could be buried together. Poor Teddy, growing up with a false name and now no parents, he thought, but it was the only thought he could spare for anyone besides his lover.
"Severus, Severus, Severus," Remus chanted under his breath, crawling frantically along the tunnel, ignoring rocks that bruised his elbows and low-hanging roots that clipped his head. "Severus!" he cried, as he came out into the room and saw him.
God, there's so much blood, he thought. He dropped to his knees and placed a frantic kiss on Severus' lips. "Please, Severus, please," he muttered.
Severus' eyelids fluttered open. "Feel like a bloody fairy-tale princess," he grumbled, his voice thready.
"What happened?"
Severus shrugged one shoulder awkwardly. "What do you think happened? Nagini. Bitch of a snake. I hope Potter kills her soon."
Remus' heart lurched. "The antivenin! It was enough?"
"Of course it was, you dolt. Did Lucius uphold his end of the bargain?" Severus began levering himself into a sitting position, but Remus pushed him down.
"You need a blood-replenishing potion," he said. "Of course he did. I told him Draco was safe in the Room of Requirement, and that was all he wanted to hear."
"Wish I'd known the Dark Lord would pick this place," Severus said. "I would have stocked it with pain potions, too." He fished a bottle out of his robes and took a large gulp. A little bit of potion trickled down his chin.
Remus wiped it away with a tender thumb. "Do you have the Draught of Living Death? I need to be ready, if Harry succumbs to the pull..." He trailed off. Dumbledore hadn't spoken to Severus of the Deathly Hallows. He had kept so many secrets to himself. Aberforth was still bitter about it, though Remus knew it had been done to protect people, as much as possible.
"I would feel better if it were me," Severus grumbled, holding out the bottle.
"It has to be me," Remus told him. "Harry wouldn't expect to see you at his death. Me, he'll expect."
"I just don't understand why it must be you!" Severus sounded petulant.
Remus shook his head. "When this is over, I'll explain my part of it. And then you can explain the things I don't know." He smiled briefly at Severus, then downed the potion...and everything went black.
It felt like only moments later that he was surrounded by James, Lily, and Sirius, who were all thumping his back and hugging him in greeting. He glanced around, wondering if he would have a chance to apologise to Tonks, but he saw no one else around.
"What happened? How did you go? Avenging my death, eh Moony?"
Remus smiled ruefully at Sirius. "Not quite. I've tried, but it's been all I could do to protect Tonks from Bellatrix."
"He was protecting Harry," Lily said, her voice quiet with certainty. Her face was glowing with love and pride.
"It's nearly time," Remus said, glancing at her. "He's going to face down Voldemort now."
James' eyes flashed as he lifted his head. "Then we have to find him. We must be there for him."
And then Remus felt a pull, inexorable and undefiable. Suddenly they were with Harry, who was walking into the Forbidden Forest, a resolute expression on his face. It was just as Dumbledore had said--Harry, having been given the Resurrection Stone, was unable to resist using it. Remus thought of the people he himself had lost and realised he wouldn't be able to resist any more than Harry and Dumbledore had been.
Remus' heart broke for Harry as he asked if dying would hurt. But he was proud, so proud, of the courage and determination he saw in Harry. The boy could barely take his eyes from his mother; it reminded Remus again of how desperately Harry had ached all his life for a connection to his parents. He thought of the way Harry had shouted at him, the last time they'd met at Grimmauld Place. It made much more sense now.
He'd been angry at the time--that he couldn't help Harry, that instead he had to continue with the pretence of a misguided marriage to a woman who was all kinds of wrong for him. It had infuriated him that no one else could see how horribly matched Remus and Tonks were and that he was being reprimanded for being a bad father to a child who wasn't even his. He hadn't handled that well--he should have been able to reply calmly that he and Tonks had talked it over and agreed Remus' responsibility was to Harry first. Perhaps he could have even thrown in some sentiments of Harry being like a son to Remus. But he'd been so bloody angry about the continuing farce, partly because he'd just been with Severus a few hours earlier and had seen firsthand the horrible strain on his lover, and partly because he knew from daily contact how taxing it was for Tonks to be away from Charlie.
As he watched Harry, he realised that they hadn't been summoned to be brought back, but to accompany Harry on his last, lonely walk towards Death. He was surprised and gratified that Harry could spare a thought for him in this moment, but he didn't stumble over his response that Teddy would know why Remus had died. He vowed that someday he would somehow make certain Teddy knew who his true father was.
They walked in silence with Harry, Lily's eyes streaming with tears. James was blinking suspiciously as well. Remus couldn't help wishing fiercely, for one moment, that he was truly reunited with them. That he could go with them when Harry was finished. He reached out a hand and clutched blindly at Sirius', aching for what he had lost.
But even as he thought it, he remembered the one person who had kept him sane over the past seventeen years, and he knew he would never willingly leave Severus alone. Severus had lived with the guilt and horror that his betrayal of the Potters had caused, and after their death, Remus and Severus had been drawn together in their grief. Remus didn't know when mutual grief had turned to friendship, or when friendship had turned to love. Perhaps Severus couldn't even have said. They had been sharing a bed for several years when Harry arrived as a first year at Hogwarts, and Remus had been grateful that the renewed reminder of Severus' old friendship--and sometime infatuation--with Lily had not been enough to destroy the love they had built together.
All the same, Dumbledore's punishment of Severus' old, old betrayal had cost them more than enough. He and Severus were due some real happiness, and the transitory peace that was creeping over Remus, here in the Forbidden Forest, wasn't enough to distract him from his aim.
He watched in silence as Harry confronted Voldemort, as he calmly and proudly defied the Dark Lord and allowed Voldemort to kill him. James and Lily immediately darted forward to cradle Harry's body, though of course they couldn't really touch him. He hadn't even seen them from the moment he dropped the Resurrection Stone. Sirius clutched at Remus' hands, then exclaimed in surprise as James and Lily stood, smiling, and returned to them.
"He isn't dead," Lily said.
"Lily's love has protected him one last time," James added.
"Perhaps it is his own love," Lily said, smiling. "Or perhaps his courage." She turned her brilliant green gaze on Remus. "Come with us, old friend. You will finally have joy and peace."
James put an arm around his wife. Sirius turned to watch Remus, an eager expression on his face. Remus shook his head.
"I'm sorry," he said. "There's still someone who needs me in life."
Sirius looked shocked. "You can't linger! Moony, you'd be a horrible ghost! You'd never haunt anybody, you'd only hang about the library and read ghost books."
Remus chuckled. "I'm not quite dead, Sirius," he said. He glanced at Lily. "I'm here because there's someone who has been trying for seventeen years to make amends to his best friend."
Lily's expression changed, her gaze avid on Remus' face. "Severus," she breathed.
Sirius growled and James frowned, but Remus nodded. "And he is due some happiness, finally," he said. "We've done all we can, he and I, to make certain Harry would live and defeat Voldemort. And now...I want Severus to be happy."
"I forgave him," Lily said, her voice quavering. "I forgave him years ago."
"I'll be certain he knows that finally," Remus said. He turned his gaze on Sirius. "I know you probably don't like it, but I love Severus, and have for years. I'll bring him along when I finally join you." He smiled.
Sirius didn't like it, that was obvious, but he sighed. "As long as you're happy, Moony." He gripped Remus' shoulders tightly, then kissed his cheek. "That's all I could ever ask for."
James patted Remus' back, smiling at him. "Thank you for all you did for our boy," he murmured. "Thank you, Moony."
Lily wrapped slender arms around him. "Remus John Lupin," she whispered, "you must be happy, as well. You've kept the faith. I'm glad Severus has you." She kissed the cheek Sirius hadn't, and then, abruptly, they were fading.
Remus glanced around, surprised, and realised that he was fading, as well. The potion must be wearing off.
He opened his eyes and found Severus' gaze warm on his face. Severus leaned down and kissed him.
"Sleeping beauty," he joked, and Severus snorted.
"Potter?"
"Let Voldemort kill him," Remus replied. At Severus' expression of surprise and alarm, he added, "It was as it needed to be. And Lily...Lily said he wasn't really dead."
Severus' expression faded into painful longing. "You saw her."
"She forgives you, Severus," Remus said, lifting a hand to touch his lover's cheek. "She forgave you years ago."
Severus was silent for a long time, tilting his head so his hair hid his face. "Easy for her to say now," he said finally, his voice a croak. "I hated her."
"You loved her, too," Remus said. "And she was your best friend. It's all right. She understands."
Severus sighed and lifted his head, pulling Remus into his arms. "I love you, you know," he murmured. "Even though you drive me mad with your secrets and your optimism."
Remus sighed and clutched at Severus. "Dumbledore made me swear," he said. "He needed someone else to know about the Hallows, in case Harry failed. I think he chose me because he knew I would keep on fighting as long as you did." He swallowed. "And if you died, I would fight on until I'd avenged you, or got myself killed in the attempt."
Severus made an injured noise but didn't let go of him.
"I don't suppose we have any tea?"
Severus shuddered and took a long breath. "A flask of Firewhiskey," he said.
"That will have to do." Remus lifted his head to kiss Severus' cheek. "Let me sit up, and I'll tell you a story. Have you ever read 'The Tale of the Three Brothers'...?"
It felt like days later, though it had only been about three hours, when a distant explosion rocked the Shack. Remus shifted in Severus' arms and let out a long breath. "That's it. He's killed Voldemort."
Severus pulled away and held his left arm out in front of them, staring in disbelief as the Mark faded from his arm. He turned shining eyes up to Remus' face.
"You're free," Remus whispered. He drew in a long breath and cupped Severus' face in his hands. "You're free."
Severus leaned forward until his lips were brushing Remus'. "We are free," he whispered, and kissed Remus reverently.
They had planned for this moment, even as they feared to be too optimistic. Two trunks and a knapsack of food awaited them, and there were unregistered, illegal Portkeys that would take them away. Remus didn't know where; he had left those preparations to Severus, who had had power with the new Ministry. He wasn't fussed--wherever they went, he would be with Severus, which was what truly mattered.
All was well.
