Redemption - Part 30 - Reassurance
Feb. 27th, 2007 02:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
innerslytherinReassurance
Prompt: 90 - Passion
Pairing: Remus/Severus
Warnings: Slash
WC: 1,679
Redemption - PG to R (WIP) - After Voldemort's defeat, Remus--crippled in his last battle--and Severus--pardoned but a pariah--manage to forge a connection, despite the expectations of the world around them.
Series so far:
1. Reconciliation 2. Rehabilitation 3. Recovery 4. Reply 5. Rediscovery
6. Receiving 7. Repartee 8. Relapse 9. Requisite
10. Retreat 11. Refining 12. Repose 13. Reconsidering
14. Renaissance 15. Retribution 16. Return 17.Rematch
18. Redefining 19. Relishing 20. Recognition
21. Remembering 22. Refrain 23. Reformation 24. Recrimination
25. Reliance 26. Reverting 27. Repercussion 28. Reminder 29. Retracing
Note: Thank you to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
_lore and thesnapelyone for quick betas. All mistakes are, of course, my own. This particular installment has a rather hard R rating. ^_~
Severus isn't sure he's allowed to touch Remus that way, now that his legs aren't working. He wasn't even sure, at first, that Remus would be, well, up for sex, considering. But two mornings in a row now he has noticed Remus' impressive morning erection, so apparently his lover's cock is still fully functional.
This doesn't explain why Severus is standing under the hot water of the shower stroking himself instead of shagging Remus. But he can't help feeling rather indecent for wanting to use Remus' body for pleasure when Remus himself is unable to use it properly.
Perhaps he shouldn't even want Remus now. He closes his eyes and tilts his head back, imagining it is Remus' wider, more callused hand wrapped around his cock. He strokes himself slowly, teasingly, the way Remus would, instead of his own preferred method of hard and fast. They are lovers, but perhaps while Remus is injured (not crippled, not disabled--this is temporary) they shouldn't have sex.
Severus bites his lip and gives his hand a little twist. And Remus always flicks a thumb across the head, just so. He shivers.
Perhaps Remus doesn't want him anymore? Severus has seen no evidence that Remus is wanking. What if he can't come? It would be bloody unfair of Severus to get his end away if Remus can't.
God, but Severus wants to shag Remus. He wants to position him carefully and draw his legs over Severus' shoulders and thrust in deep and fast. He can imagine (remember) how warm and tight Remus feels, and how Severus loses control when they're making love.
He groans softly and his release spatters the shower wall. Slumping to the side, he rests his head against a clean spot and wonders how they got to this place. He can't bring himself to ask Remus if he doesn't want to be touched anymore. Knowing would be worse than this wondering, he thinks.
Finally he finishes his shower and dries off, feeling worse than he did when he got out of bed. He Apparates downstairs because he can't face Remus now. If Remus is feeling sorry for him, he doesn't want to know.
He spends more time than usual fixing breakfast, and then debates whether to take it to Remus in bed, which he has done several times, or whether that would be insulting, implying that Remus can't eat breakfast at the table. After a lengthy debate with himself, he takes the tray upstairs.
Remus is wide awake in bed, lying on his side. He stares at Severus' side of the bed, no expression on his face. Severus isn't sure what to say suddenly. He feels awkward around Remus, which hasn't happened since Remus moved in. "I made you eggs and toast," he says. "And tea."
Remus doesn't move, though his eyes flick up at Severus. "Thanks." His voice is as expressionless as his face.
Severus frowns. "All right, Remus?"
Remus sighs. "I'm fine."
Now Severus is certain something is wrong. He doesn't know what or how to fix it, though, so he settles the breakfast tray on the bedside table and himself on the bed. "Would you rather eat downstairs?"
"No, this is fine." There, it's a tinge of impatience. Severus wonders if he should apologise. Apologising will gain one a lot of ground, sometimes. It usually works on Remus. Either Severus has done something wrong, or he has failed to see what is wrong with Remus. Either way, he's in the wrong.
Finally Remus pushes himself into a sitting position and takes the breakfast tray Severus has prepared for him. Severus eyes him sidelong, trying to look like he's eating and not watching Remus. Remus eats slowly, chewing each bite longer than he needs to. Severus is finished with his breakfast much sooner than Remus is. He cradles his teacup in his hands and stares awkwardly at it, feeling unwanted.
Unwanted...
It occurs to Severus that Remus probably knows he was wanking in the shower this morning. Severus did take pains to be quiet, but he was in the shower longer than he usually is. It doesn't take huge intellect, and Remus is an intelligent man. Then again, if he's really all that intelligent he ought to know he can talk to Severus about it. Severus will never bring it up, but he'll discuss it if Remus needs.
Remus sighs and sets his plate between them on the bed, then shifts himself down in bed, rolling on his side. He's facing away from Severus.
That doesn't make Severus feel any better. He puts both plates on the bedside table and shifts to stare at Remus' back.
"I'm sorry," Severus says after a while. The words fall into the silence like dead things.
Remus doesn't respond.
"I--" Severus pauses. He doesn't know what to say next. Saying he's sorry for anything is difficult enough without elaborating.
Wolfsbane jumps up on the foot of the bed and patters along the blanket. Severus reaches out to pet him and gets a nasty bite for his trouble. Severus swears and sticks his finger in his mouth. Wolfsbane stalks up to Remus and sits on his head. Remus sighs.
Severus frowns and removes the kitten, placing him on the pillow next to him. "Remus, I--" He still doesn't know what to say. He scoots down and shifts closer to Remus. "May I hold--touch you?"
Remus' shoulders tense, but he sighs again. "If you like."
That stops Severus cold. "If I like?" he asks. "Don't you want me to touch you?"
Remus doesn't answer.
"Is there something wrong with wanting to touch my lover?" Severus demands. He hates feeling like this, wondering if he's done the wrong thing, and wondering what the right thing would have been, and knowing he looks like an utter prat.
"You really want to?"
Ah, Severus recognizes that. Finally. He can hear the self-derision and scorn in Remus' voice. That's what this is about, then. "Yes," he murmurs, and shifts against Remus' back to wrap his arms around him. "I love you, idiot. Of course I want to touch you."
"I'm a cripple," Remus says, his voice bitter. "Why would you want to be stuck with me?"
Severus scowls at his back. "Because I chose you, you bloody idiot. Because you make me feel like less of a failure. Because you know who I am." He chews the side of his mouth to keep from tensing; conversations like this give him hives. Or they should, from the amount of discomfort they create. "Who I really am," he adds.
Remus sighs and relaxes slightly against him. Severus tightens his arms in response. This is much better. He kisses the spot behind Remus' ear and hums. "I like being with you, Remus," he murmurs. He wants to make Remus happy, to make Remus whole. He knows he will never say that aloud, but just knowing in his heart what he wants is a relief.
"Someday you'll get tired of living with a cripple." Remus shudders slightly. "You'll say I'm too much work and you'll want your freedom."
"My freedom is in you," Severus whispers. He buries his face against Remus' shoulder.
"You poor sod," Remus says, but Severus can hear the slight smile in his voice.
"Am I allowed to want to fuck you?" Severus asks, his lips skating Remus' earlobe.
Remus shivers. "Merlin, yes, please!" he breathes.
Severus hums and sucks on Remus' skin, sliding a hand up his arm. Then he stops. He has to know. "It's not--reprehensible of me?"
"Why would it be?"
Severus doesn't want to discuss this. "You can't control your legs. I didn't know if--"
"If I can get hard?" Remus' voice is sharp.
"I know you can get hard," Severus assures him, cupping a hand gently against the bulge of Remus' erection. He nips Remus' neck. "No, I didn't know if it would make you feel used."
"Oh, God, use me!" Remus groans, half laughing, but half in frustration.
Severus chuckles and shifts over to straddle Remus. He kisses Remus' cheek and watches him.
"This much can stay the same, at least," Remus murmurs, stroking a hand over Severus' hair. He pulls him in for a hungry kiss. "Don't act as though you'll break me, Severus. It makes me feel like a bloody freak. I want you. I always want you. That doesn't change just because my legs don't work."
Severus leans in and kisses Remus again, but he takes Remus' words to heart. The kiss is demanding, needy. When it finally ends, they are both breathless. Severus shifts to kiss Remus' cheek, his jaw, his neck, his chest, his stomach, his thigh...and then...then... Yes, Remus can still get hard. Severus closes his lips around Remus' cock, thinking to bring Remus pleasure first. He has his lover gasping and moaning soon enough, but then there are fingers tugging at Severus' hair.
"Wait!" Remus gasps. "Wait, Severus!"
Severus lifts his head, and Remus' hand cups his cheek. "I'm not fragile. Use me. Take me."
These words kindle a fire under Severus' skin. He moves forward swiftly, getting his trousers off and stroking his hands lovingly over Remus' scarred skin. He can see the light of desire in Remus' eyes, and he knows it is mirrored in his own. They kiss, long and deep, and Remus is shivering under Severus' hands. It is an amazing power, and Severus loves that it is his, and knows that he will never abuse it.
He makes love to Remus frantically and too fast, but he can't slip a bridle on his want, need, passion. Remus whimpers and groans under him, and when his legs are hitched over Severus' shoulders and they are moving together, Remus is the most beautiful person in the world.
Then they reach their climax, one after the other, and they clutch and gasp at each other, their fingers tense and desperate. "I love you," Severus whispers.
Remus smiles and wraps his arms tightly around Severus, and they breathe together.
Prompt: 90 - Passion
Pairing: Remus/Severus
Warnings: Slash
WC: 1,679
Redemption - PG to R (WIP) - After Voldemort's defeat, Remus--crippled in his last battle--and Severus--pardoned but a pariah--manage to forge a connection, despite the expectations of the world around them.
Series so far:
1. Reconciliation 2. Rehabilitation 3. Recovery 4. Reply 5. Rediscovery
6. Receiving 7. Repartee 8. Relapse 9. Requisite
10. Retreat 11. Refining 12. Repose 13. Reconsidering
14. Renaissance 15. Retribution 16. Return 17.Rematch
18. Redefining 19. Relishing 20. Recognition
21. Remembering 22. Refrain 23. Reformation 24. Recrimination
25. Reliance 26. Reverting 27. Repercussion 28. Reminder 29. Retracing
Note: Thank you to
_lore and thesnapelyone for quick betas. All mistakes are, of course, my own. This particular installment has a rather hard R rating. ^_~Severus isn't sure he's allowed to touch Remus that way, now that his legs aren't working. He wasn't even sure, at first, that Remus would be, well, up for sex, considering. But two mornings in a row now he has noticed Remus' impressive morning erection, so apparently his lover's cock is still fully functional.
This doesn't explain why Severus is standing under the hot water of the shower stroking himself instead of shagging Remus. But he can't help feeling rather indecent for wanting to use Remus' body for pleasure when Remus himself is unable to use it properly.
Perhaps he shouldn't even want Remus now. He closes his eyes and tilts his head back, imagining it is Remus' wider, more callused hand wrapped around his cock. He strokes himself slowly, teasingly, the way Remus would, instead of his own preferred method of hard and fast. They are lovers, but perhaps while Remus is injured (not crippled, not disabled--this is temporary) they shouldn't have sex.
Severus bites his lip and gives his hand a little twist. And Remus always flicks a thumb across the head, just so. He shivers.
Perhaps Remus doesn't want him anymore? Severus has seen no evidence that Remus is wanking. What if he can't come? It would be bloody unfair of Severus to get his end away if Remus can't.
God, but Severus wants to shag Remus. He wants to position him carefully and draw his legs over Severus' shoulders and thrust in deep and fast. He can imagine (remember) how warm and tight Remus feels, and how Severus loses control when they're making love.
He groans softly and his release spatters the shower wall. Slumping to the side, he rests his head against a clean spot and wonders how they got to this place. He can't bring himself to ask Remus if he doesn't want to be touched anymore. Knowing would be worse than this wondering, he thinks.
Finally he finishes his shower and dries off, feeling worse than he did when he got out of bed. He Apparates downstairs because he can't face Remus now. If Remus is feeling sorry for him, he doesn't want to know.
He spends more time than usual fixing breakfast, and then debates whether to take it to Remus in bed, which he has done several times, or whether that would be insulting, implying that Remus can't eat breakfast at the table. After a lengthy debate with himself, he takes the tray upstairs.
Remus is wide awake in bed, lying on his side. He stares at Severus' side of the bed, no expression on his face. Severus isn't sure what to say suddenly. He feels awkward around Remus, which hasn't happened since Remus moved in. "I made you eggs and toast," he says. "And tea."
Remus doesn't move, though his eyes flick up at Severus. "Thanks." His voice is as expressionless as his face.
Severus frowns. "All right, Remus?"
Remus sighs. "I'm fine."
Now Severus is certain something is wrong. He doesn't know what or how to fix it, though, so he settles the breakfast tray on the bedside table and himself on the bed. "Would you rather eat downstairs?"
"No, this is fine." There, it's a tinge of impatience. Severus wonders if he should apologise. Apologising will gain one a lot of ground, sometimes. It usually works on Remus. Either Severus has done something wrong, or he has failed to see what is wrong with Remus. Either way, he's in the wrong.
Finally Remus pushes himself into a sitting position and takes the breakfast tray Severus has prepared for him. Severus eyes him sidelong, trying to look like he's eating and not watching Remus. Remus eats slowly, chewing each bite longer than he needs to. Severus is finished with his breakfast much sooner than Remus is. He cradles his teacup in his hands and stares awkwardly at it, feeling unwanted.
Unwanted...
It occurs to Severus that Remus probably knows he was wanking in the shower this morning. Severus did take pains to be quiet, but he was in the shower longer than he usually is. It doesn't take huge intellect, and Remus is an intelligent man. Then again, if he's really all that intelligent he ought to know he can talk to Severus about it. Severus will never bring it up, but he'll discuss it if Remus needs.
Remus sighs and sets his plate between them on the bed, then shifts himself down in bed, rolling on his side. He's facing away from Severus.
That doesn't make Severus feel any better. He puts both plates on the bedside table and shifts to stare at Remus' back.
"I'm sorry," Severus says after a while. The words fall into the silence like dead things.
Remus doesn't respond.
"I--" Severus pauses. He doesn't know what to say next. Saying he's sorry for anything is difficult enough without elaborating.
Wolfsbane jumps up on the foot of the bed and patters along the blanket. Severus reaches out to pet him and gets a nasty bite for his trouble. Severus swears and sticks his finger in his mouth. Wolfsbane stalks up to Remus and sits on his head. Remus sighs.
Severus frowns and removes the kitten, placing him on the pillow next to him. "Remus, I--" He still doesn't know what to say. He scoots down and shifts closer to Remus. "May I hold--touch you?"
Remus' shoulders tense, but he sighs again. "If you like."
That stops Severus cold. "If I like?" he asks. "Don't you want me to touch you?"
Remus doesn't answer.
"Is there something wrong with wanting to touch my lover?" Severus demands. He hates feeling like this, wondering if he's done the wrong thing, and wondering what the right thing would have been, and knowing he looks like an utter prat.
"You really want to?"
Ah, Severus recognizes that. Finally. He can hear the self-derision and scorn in Remus' voice. That's what this is about, then. "Yes," he murmurs, and shifts against Remus' back to wrap his arms around him. "I love you, idiot. Of course I want to touch you."
"I'm a cripple," Remus says, his voice bitter. "Why would you want to be stuck with me?"
Severus scowls at his back. "Because I chose you, you bloody idiot. Because you make me feel like less of a failure. Because you know who I am." He chews the side of his mouth to keep from tensing; conversations like this give him hives. Or they should, from the amount of discomfort they create. "Who I really am," he adds.
Remus sighs and relaxes slightly against him. Severus tightens his arms in response. This is much better. He kisses the spot behind Remus' ear and hums. "I like being with you, Remus," he murmurs. He wants to make Remus happy, to make Remus whole. He knows he will never say that aloud, but just knowing in his heart what he wants is a relief.
"Someday you'll get tired of living with a cripple." Remus shudders slightly. "You'll say I'm too much work and you'll want your freedom."
"My freedom is in you," Severus whispers. He buries his face against Remus' shoulder.
"You poor sod," Remus says, but Severus can hear the slight smile in his voice.
"Am I allowed to want to fuck you?" Severus asks, his lips skating Remus' earlobe.
Remus shivers. "Merlin, yes, please!" he breathes.
Severus hums and sucks on Remus' skin, sliding a hand up his arm. Then he stops. He has to know. "It's not--reprehensible of me?"
"Why would it be?"
Severus doesn't want to discuss this. "You can't control your legs. I didn't know if--"
"If I can get hard?" Remus' voice is sharp.
"I know you can get hard," Severus assures him, cupping a hand gently against the bulge of Remus' erection. He nips Remus' neck. "No, I didn't know if it would make you feel used."
"Oh, God, use me!" Remus groans, half laughing, but half in frustration.
Severus chuckles and shifts over to straddle Remus. He kisses Remus' cheek and watches him.
"This much can stay the same, at least," Remus murmurs, stroking a hand over Severus' hair. He pulls him in for a hungry kiss. "Don't act as though you'll break me, Severus. It makes me feel like a bloody freak. I want you. I always want you. That doesn't change just because my legs don't work."
Severus leans in and kisses Remus again, but he takes Remus' words to heart. The kiss is demanding, needy. When it finally ends, they are both breathless. Severus shifts to kiss Remus' cheek, his jaw, his neck, his chest, his stomach, his thigh...and then...then... Yes, Remus can still get hard. Severus closes his lips around Remus' cock, thinking to bring Remus pleasure first. He has his lover gasping and moaning soon enough, but then there are fingers tugging at Severus' hair.
"Wait!" Remus gasps. "Wait, Severus!"
Severus lifts his head, and Remus' hand cups his cheek. "I'm not fragile. Use me. Take me."
These words kindle a fire under Severus' skin. He moves forward swiftly, getting his trousers off and stroking his hands lovingly over Remus' scarred skin. He can see the light of desire in Remus' eyes, and he knows it is mirrored in his own. They kiss, long and deep, and Remus is shivering under Severus' hands. It is an amazing power, and Severus loves that it is his, and knows that he will never abuse it.
He makes love to Remus frantically and too fast, but he can't slip a bridle on his want, need, passion. Remus whimpers and groans under him, and when his legs are hitched over Severus' shoulders and they are moving together, Remus is the most beautiful person in the world.
Then they reach their climax, one after the other, and they clutch and gasp at each other, their fingers tense and desperate. "I love you," Severus whispers.
Remus smiles and wraps his arms tightly around Severus, and they breathe together.
