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innerslytherinTitle: Girl Talk
Characters/Pairing: Garcia, Prentiss, & JJ - mentions of Rossi/Prentiss
Rating: PG-13 for lots of suggestiveness?
WC: ~2100
Summary: Emily's getting married. The girls throw her a bachelorette party and secrets come out...
Notes: This was written for the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
cmrossiprentiss Wedding Fest, organized by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
microgirl8225. Thanks also to microgirl8225 for the beta and for letting me be a few days late.
ETA: I don't remember now who it was that told me "So she licked me" was to be my first line. Probablymicrogirl8225 again. *G* But I didn't come up with that opening myself.
"...so she licked me." Emily finished her story and her drink within moments of each other. She slammed the shot glass down on the table, thinking that the others wouldn't want to know the rest of that story--how she'd ended up in the back room with Carl Roslewski, drunk, high, and minus most of her self respect. Garcia howled with laughter and waved the waitress back over to their table.
"Like, seriously licked you? You know, like that?" JJ shook her head. "And here I thought you were into cocky, self-assured guys to the exclusion of any other type of guy, let alone women."
Emily laughed. "That dare was my single flirtation with being bicurious," she joked, "and it didn't last long. We proved our point about objectification, the guys were forced to make out for a full sixty seconds while we ogled and catcalled, and that was that. Too bad I'm so straight, though," she added reflectively. "Becky was hot."
Garcia pushed two more shots of vodka across the table at Emily. "Between JJ's epic soccer team shenanigans and your wild-child stories, I'm feeling pretty boring here," she said. "I never did anything epic or wicked or any of that."
Emily arched an eyebrow. "Except for that one thing you won't tell us," she pointed out.
JJ folded her arms across her chest. "Yeah, PG, come on. Spill it. We deserve to know, since neither of us are going to be around to tell on you to the guys."
It was the wrong thing to say. Garcia's eyes filled with tears suddenly and she threw her arms around JJ. "I can't believe you're both leaving me!" she wailed. She squeezed JJ hard and then hugged Emily too. "I'm starting to think you guys don't love me."
"Of course we love you." JJ patted her back. "It's just hard to turn down an invitation from the White House Chief of Staff."
"Or the chance to quietly transfer to a different unit instead of being fired in a scandal over fraternization," Emily said wryly. "At least the Bureau didn't transfer me to Wasilla, Alaska, the way Strauss was threatening."
Garcia made an appalled noise and tossed back another shot of rum. "At least she noticed. She's never said the first thing about me and Kevin."
"She only remembers my name because I'm Ambassador Prentiss' daughter," Emily said. She lifted a shot glass, inspecting the supercooled Stolichnaya for a moment before swallowing it. "Anyway, getting caught in flagrante gave me a chance to give Dave my ultimatum. If I'd left it up to him, I still wouldn't be wearing this." She waggled the diamond on her left hand and grinned. It was an exaggeration. Dave had made noises about commitment and ceremonies before Strauss caught them half-naked in the supply closet. His proposal had just been the silver lining on the dark cloud of Strauss' indignant demand for Emily's resignation.
"I'm not sure even that diamond is enough to make up for Strauss seeing your fabulous bosoms, my baboo," Garcia said. She leaned on the table, propping herself on one elbow.
JJ burst out laughing and drained her beer. "I know it wouldn't be for me. I'd rather strip for a room full of people as long as Strauss wasn't one of them."
"Speaking of stripping..." JJ began offhandedly, reaching for her drink. "Has everyone heard that story about Morgan and a lovely little woman named Stardust?"
Garcia gasped and covered her ears. "Don't tell me!" just as Emily let out a curious squeal and leaned in. "Oh my God, tell!" she ordered.
JJ grinned. "Oh, if I told the whole story, Garcia would be scarred forever. Let's just say it involves that undercover case we worked in Springfield...and I didn't know it was even possible to get those tassels spinning in two opposite directions."
"Stop!" Garcia ordered, squeezing her eyes shut. JJ and Emily burst out laughing.
"Too bad you didn't have Reid with you," Emily said. "He's such a magnet for prostitutes and strippers."
JJ laughed. "Hard to reconcile with the way he was so awkward with that Lila Archer."
"Well, duh." Emily rolled her eyes. "It's because he's so cute when he's flustered. Why d'you think--" She cut herself off and tossed back another shot of vodka. Shit. They'd sworn--pinky-sworn, even--not to tell that story. Reid would kill her if she told that story.
Garcia opened one eye, then the other. The next minute her hands dropped from her ears and she reached out to grab Emily's wrist. "Uh uh uh, kitten," she said. "No cutting off sentences in the middle during a bachelorette party. It's the rule."
Emily pressed her lips together. She couldn't tell. But the memory of Reid's expression and the way he'd blushed all the way down to his nipples was just too rich to keep to herself. She sucked her lips in and bit them together, but Garcia's fingers poked at her ribs. Emily ducked away, stifling a shriek.
"Okay, okay!" she said, laughing. "It was, like, three months after I transferred to the BAU. Reid was just...y'know, finally getting warmed up to me." She shrugged and reached for her water for a cool sip. "And I swear I have no idea how it happened, but I got turned around leaving the gym." She'd walked into a locker room that had, fortunately, only contained one naked and dripping wet genius. She'd heard the shower going in the other room, and for one long, awful moment, she and Reid had stared at each other.
"His face was bright red," she remembered aloud. "And it spread down his neck, and down his chest, and I swear even his nipples turned red." She bit her tongue. Oh, God, she'd had way too much to drink.
"...And," Garcia prompted. Her voice promised reprisals if Emily didn't finish. Her fingers crooked again in a threatening gesture towards Emily's ribs.
Emily jumped sideways in her seat, away from Garcia. "And--let's just say his girlfriends will never be disappointed."
Garcia giggled. "Who could doubt that when they've seen those long fingers of his?" she said, and drained her glass. "But I still say Morgan's girlfriends are happier. Have you seen what that man can do with his tongue?"
Emily had been taking another sip of her water, but she choked. "What?" she demanded.
JJ started laughing. "Seriously, Em? You've never seen him stick his tongue out and touch his nose? He's always making silly faces for Henry. I caught him at it once, and got pictures for PG."
"I'm still trying to figure out when PG's actually going to jump Derek and drag him into the nearest supply closet." Emily arched an eyebrow at Garcia.
Garcia gave her an innocent look. "Oh, my dear, how could I? You and Dave were always using the supply closet whenever I tried."
They all started giggling as Emily put her face in her hands. "I can't believe I'm resigning in disgrace after a sex scandal," she moaned. "If my mother finds out--" She quit talking. That sounded louder than she'd meant it to.
Garcia laughed and waved at the waitress. "Just think of it as a shotgun wedding," she teased. "With Strauss' finger on the trigger."
"Are you calling Strauss a father-figure?" Emily asked.
"Well, she always has seemed a little, you know, masculine," JJ said, her voice taking on a wry drawl.
"Stop!" Emily said, taking another shot from the waitress. "You guys, I'm going to be thinking inappropriate things the next time we see the guys."
"I thought you thought inappropriate things with Dave all the time," Garcia huffed.
"Thought?" JJ snorted. "Hell, she does inappropriate things with Dave all the time."
Emily slapped a hand over her eyes, wondering if she could pretend to go to the bathroom and sneak out. God, Garcia was going to tell JJ--
"Did I ever mention the time I really did find them...ah, being inappropriate at work?" Garcia piped up.
Emily groaned.
"No, but you're going to," JJ said. "Right now."
Emily dropped her head into her hands.
Garcia gave a wicked little chuckle. "Oh, it's the best story I have ever come across during my entire career with the FBI. Dave's office door was shut, and I thought Emily was at a conference. Her online schedule was marked busy. Little did I know she meant getting busy."
Emily lifted her head long enough to drain her shot, then rested her forehead in her hand and stared at the wood grain of the table, feeling the room reel just a little.
"Aaaaand," JJ prompted.
"And our fearless leader apparently didn't realize Dave's schedule was busy. He was asking me about DMV records, and we needed to get some info from Rossi. Hotch tapped on the door twice, and that was it."
Emily squeezed her eyes shut and moaned faintly.
"Our dear princess was wearing a skirt," Garcia said gleefully. "And Dave was...well, let's just say he was really appreciating that skirt."
"I hate you all," Emily announced, and heard her two best friends laughing. She could still remember the expression on Hotch's face as he backed out of the office, obviously trying--and obviously failing--to block Garcia's view of the office.
JJ's arm slipped around Emily's shoulder and squeezed. "You're lucky Strauss didn't catch you two earlier," she said, her voice warm.
Emily sighed and sat up. "I guess it makes up for Dave barging in on you and Kevin." She took evil satisfaction in the way Garcia's face went pink.
"That wasn't very gentlemanly." Garcia's voice was suddenly prim. "But it was pretty sexy the way Kevin reacted."
"He was so cute," Emily said, remembering how they'd got home and Kevin had called Dave out, ‘man-to-man'. That case had been the beginning of her feelings for Dave, when she'd seen the vulnerable side of the legendary Rossi. She'd been horribly jealous of Garcia when she'd realized what was going on with her and Kevin, but she'd been happy for her friend too. "Huh. How is it that Dave and I have been together for less time than you and Kevin have, but you're not wearing a ring yet?"
Garcia straightened in her seat and signaled their waitress.
"Oh no." JJ caught on as quickly as Emily did. "There's something you're not telling us."
The waitress started approaching, but wilted under the combined forces of Emily's and JJ's stares. Garcia let out an indignant noise as the woman turned away. Then she sighed and shrugged. "I wasn't going to tell you guys, because it all happened right when everything went wrong."
"But now you're going to tell us." JJ stared piercingly at her. "I have ways of making you talk, Penelope Garcia."
The glossy red lips pursed, then Garcia tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Okay, fine. I suggested we get a dog together. Kevin suggested we move in together." She darted a sidelong glance at Emily. "It was right before that girl went missing, so I couldn't bring myself to tell you guys before the case. And then we found out JJ was leaving, and I was too miserable to tell you. And then Emily and Dave got caught..."
"Okay, okay," Emily groaned. She shook her head. "I have no idea what we'll tell our kids about why we got married."
Suddenly JJ straightened, frowning, then let out a long sigh. "Oh, shit," she muttered, glancing down at her hip.
Emily knew exactly what was about. As JJ lifted her BlackBerry to her ear, Emily nudged Garcia. "You really have to tell us what you did to get yourself on a watch list," she said quietly. "Call it my wedding present."
Garcia covered her ears again and made a quiet "la-la-la" noise at Emily.
"Yes, sir, of course," JJ said. "We'll be on our way directly." JJ coughed, then added, "Um...we'll have to wait for a cab."
***
Emily spent the cross-country flight being airsick in the bathroom while JJ snickered every time she looked at Reid. Garcia, who'd been invited along for her technical expertise, kept glancing over at Morgan and covering her eyes. None of them could meet Dave's eyes.
Finally Hotch gave in and pulled JJ aside. "Look, is there something going on I don't know about?" he murmured.
JJ fought back a grin. "Oh, nothing, sir. Just...you know...girl talk."
Characters/Pairing: Garcia, Prentiss, & JJ - mentions of Rossi/Prentiss
Rating: PG-13 for lots of suggestiveness?
WC: ~2100
Summary: Emily's getting married. The girls throw her a bachelorette party and secrets come out...
Notes: This was written for the
cmrossiprentiss Wedding Fest, organized by microgirl8225. Thanks also to microgirl8225 for the beta and for letting me be a few days late.ETA: I don't remember now who it was that told me "So she licked me" was to be my first line. Probably
microgirl8225 again. *G* But I didn't come up with that opening myself."...so she licked me." Emily finished her story and her drink within moments of each other. She slammed the shot glass down on the table, thinking that the others wouldn't want to know the rest of that story--how she'd ended up in the back room with Carl Roslewski, drunk, high, and minus most of her self respect. Garcia howled with laughter and waved the waitress back over to their table.
"Like, seriously licked you? You know, like that?" JJ shook her head. "And here I thought you were into cocky, self-assured guys to the exclusion of any other type of guy, let alone women."
Emily laughed. "That dare was my single flirtation with being bicurious," she joked, "and it didn't last long. We proved our point about objectification, the guys were forced to make out for a full sixty seconds while we ogled and catcalled, and that was that. Too bad I'm so straight, though," she added reflectively. "Becky was hot."
Garcia pushed two more shots of vodka across the table at Emily. "Between JJ's epic soccer team shenanigans and your wild-child stories, I'm feeling pretty boring here," she said. "I never did anything epic or wicked or any of that."
Emily arched an eyebrow. "Except for that one thing you won't tell us," she pointed out.
JJ folded her arms across her chest. "Yeah, PG, come on. Spill it. We deserve to know, since neither of us are going to be around to tell on you to the guys."
It was the wrong thing to say. Garcia's eyes filled with tears suddenly and she threw her arms around JJ. "I can't believe you're both leaving me!" she wailed. She squeezed JJ hard and then hugged Emily too. "I'm starting to think you guys don't love me."
"Of course we love you." JJ patted her back. "It's just hard to turn down an invitation from the White House Chief of Staff."
"Or the chance to quietly transfer to a different unit instead of being fired in a scandal over fraternization," Emily said wryly. "At least the Bureau didn't transfer me to Wasilla, Alaska, the way Strauss was threatening."
Garcia made an appalled noise and tossed back another shot of rum. "At least she noticed. She's never said the first thing about me and Kevin."
"She only remembers my name because I'm Ambassador Prentiss' daughter," Emily said. She lifted a shot glass, inspecting the supercooled Stolichnaya for a moment before swallowing it. "Anyway, getting caught in flagrante gave me a chance to give Dave my ultimatum. If I'd left it up to him, I still wouldn't be wearing this." She waggled the diamond on her left hand and grinned. It was an exaggeration. Dave had made noises about commitment and ceremonies before Strauss caught them half-naked in the supply closet. His proposal had just been the silver lining on the dark cloud of Strauss' indignant demand for Emily's resignation.
"I'm not sure even that diamond is enough to make up for Strauss seeing your fabulous bosoms, my baboo," Garcia said. She leaned on the table, propping herself on one elbow.
JJ burst out laughing and drained her beer. "I know it wouldn't be for me. I'd rather strip for a room full of people as long as Strauss wasn't one of them."
"Speaking of stripping..." JJ began offhandedly, reaching for her drink. "Has everyone heard that story about Morgan and a lovely little woman named Stardust?"
Garcia gasped and covered her ears. "Don't tell me!" just as Emily let out a curious squeal and leaned in. "Oh my God, tell!" she ordered.
JJ grinned. "Oh, if I told the whole story, Garcia would be scarred forever. Let's just say it involves that undercover case we worked in Springfield...and I didn't know it was even possible to get those tassels spinning in two opposite directions."
"Stop!" Garcia ordered, squeezing her eyes shut. JJ and Emily burst out laughing.
"Too bad you didn't have Reid with you," Emily said. "He's such a magnet for prostitutes and strippers."
JJ laughed. "Hard to reconcile with the way he was so awkward with that Lila Archer."
"Well, duh." Emily rolled her eyes. "It's because he's so cute when he's flustered. Why d'you think--" She cut herself off and tossed back another shot of vodka. Shit. They'd sworn--pinky-sworn, even--not to tell that story. Reid would kill her if she told that story.
Garcia opened one eye, then the other. The next minute her hands dropped from her ears and she reached out to grab Emily's wrist. "Uh uh uh, kitten," she said. "No cutting off sentences in the middle during a bachelorette party. It's the rule."
Emily pressed her lips together. She couldn't tell. But the memory of Reid's expression and the way he'd blushed all the way down to his nipples was just too rich to keep to herself. She sucked her lips in and bit them together, but Garcia's fingers poked at her ribs. Emily ducked away, stifling a shriek.
"Okay, okay!" she said, laughing. "It was, like, three months after I transferred to the BAU. Reid was just...y'know, finally getting warmed up to me." She shrugged and reached for her water for a cool sip. "And I swear I have no idea how it happened, but I got turned around leaving the gym." She'd walked into a locker room that had, fortunately, only contained one naked and dripping wet genius. She'd heard the shower going in the other room, and for one long, awful moment, she and Reid had stared at each other.
"His face was bright red," she remembered aloud. "And it spread down his neck, and down his chest, and I swear even his nipples turned red." She bit her tongue. Oh, God, she'd had way too much to drink.
"...And," Garcia prompted. Her voice promised reprisals if Emily didn't finish. Her fingers crooked again in a threatening gesture towards Emily's ribs.
Emily jumped sideways in her seat, away from Garcia. "And--let's just say his girlfriends will never be disappointed."
Garcia giggled. "Who could doubt that when they've seen those long fingers of his?" she said, and drained her glass. "But I still say Morgan's girlfriends are happier. Have you seen what that man can do with his tongue?"
Emily had been taking another sip of her water, but she choked. "What?" she demanded.
JJ started laughing. "Seriously, Em? You've never seen him stick his tongue out and touch his nose? He's always making silly faces for Henry. I caught him at it once, and got pictures for PG."
"I'm still trying to figure out when PG's actually going to jump Derek and drag him into the nearest supply closet." Emily arched an eyebrow at Garcia.
Garcia gave her an innocent look. "Oh, my dear, how could I? You and Dave were always using the supply closet whenever I tried."
They all started giggling as Emily put her face in her hands. "I can't believe I'm resigning in disgrace after a sex scandal," she moaned. "If my mother finds out--" She quit talking. That sounded louder than she'd meant it to.
Garcia laughed and waved at the waitress. "Just think of it as a shotgun wedding," she teased. "With Strauss' finger on the trigger."
"Are you calling Strauss a father-figure?" Emily asked.
"Well, she always has seemed a little, you know, masculine," JJ said, her voice taking on a wry drawl.
"Stop!" Emily said, taking another shot from the waitress. "You guys, I'm going to be thinking inappropriate things the next time we see the guys."
"I thought you thought inappropriate things with Dave all the time," Garcia huffed.
"Thought?" JJ snorted. "Hell, she does inappropriate things with Dave all the time."
Emily slapped a hand over her eyes, wondering if she could pretend to go to the bathroom and sneak out. God, Garcia was going to tell JJ--
"Did I ever mention the time I really did find them...ah, being inappropriate at work?" Garcia piped up.
Emily groaned.
"No, but you're going to," JJ said. "Right now."
Emily dropped her head into her hands.
Garcia gave a wicked little chuckle. "Oh, it's the best story I have ever come across during my entire career with the FBI. Dave's office door was shut, and I thought Emily was at a conference. Her online schedule was marked busy. Little did I know she meant getting busy."
Emily lifted her head long enough to drain her shot, then rested her forehead in her hand and stared at the wood grain of the table, feeling the room reel just a little.
"Aaaaand," JJ prompted.
"And our fearless leader apparently didn't realize Dave's schedule was busy. He was asking me about DMV records, and we needed to get some info from Rossi. Hotch tapped on the door twice, and that was it."
Emily squeezed her eyes shut and moaned faintly.
"Our dear princess was wearing a skirt," Garcia said gleefully. "And Dave was...well, let's just say he was really appreciating that skirt."
"I hate you all," Emily announced, and heard her two best friends laughing. She could still remember the expression on Hotch's face as he backed out of the office, obviously trying--and obviously failing--to block Garcia's view of the office.
JJ's arm slipped around Emily's shoulder and squeezed. "You're lucky Strauss didn't catch you two earlier," she said, her voice warm.
Emily sighed and sat up. "I guess it makes up for Dave barging in on you and Kevin." She took evil satisfaction in the way Garcia's face went pink.
"That wasn't very gentlemanly." Garcia's voice was suddenly prim. "But it was pretty sexy the way Kevin reacted."
"He was so cute," Emily said, remembering how they'd got home and Kevin had called Dave out, ‘man-to-man'. That case had been the beginning of her feelings for Dave, when she'd seen the vulnerable side of the legendary Rossi. She'd been horribly jealous of Garcia when she'd realized what was going on with her and Kevin, but she'd been happy for her friend too. "Huh. How is it that Dave and I have been together for less time than you and Kevin have, but you're not wearing a ring yet?"
Garcia straightened in her seat and signaled their waitress.
"Oh no." JJ caught on as quickly as Emily did. "There's something you're not telling us."
The waitress started approaching, but wilted under the combined forces of Emily's and JJ's stares. Garcia let out an indignant noise as the woman turned away. Then she sighed and shrugged. "I wasn't going to tell you guys, because it all happened right when everything went wrong."
"But now you're going to tell us." JJ stared piercingly at her. "I have ways of making you talk, Penelope Garcia."
The glossy red lips pursed, then Garcia tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Okay, fine. I suggested we get a dog together. Kevin suggested we move in together." She darted a sidelong glance at Emily. "It was right before that girl went missing, so I couldn't bring myself to tell you guys before the case. And then we found out JJ was leaving, and I was too miserable to tell you. And then Emily and Dave got caught..."
"Okay, okay," Emily groaned. She shook her head. "I have no idea what we'll tell our kids about why we got married."
Suddenly JJ straightened, frowning, then let out a long sigh. "Oh, shit," she muttered, glancing down at her hip.
Emily knew exactly what was about. As JJ lifted her BlackBerry to her ear, Emily nudged Garcia. "You really have to tell us what you did to get yourself on a watch list," she said quietly. "Call it my wedding present."
Garcia covered her ears again and made a quiet "la-la-la" noise at Emily.
"Yes, sir, of course," JJ said. "We'll be on our way directly." JJ coughed, then added, "Um...we'll have to wait for a cab."
***
Emily spent the cross-country flight being airsick in the bathroom while JJ snickered every time she looked at Reid. Garcia, who'd been invited along for her technical expertise, kept glancing over at Morgan and covering her eyes. None of them could meet Dave's eyes.
Finally Hotch gave in and pulled JJ aside. "Look, is there something going on I don't know about?" he murmured.
JJ fought back a grin. "Oh, nothing, sir. Just...you know...girl talk."
