Redemption - Part 32 - Reverence
Oct. 17th, 2007 10:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
innerslytherinReverence
Prompt: 46 - Flowers
Pairing: Remus/Severus
Warnings: Slash
WC: 1,359
Redemption - PG to R (WIP) - After Voldemort's defeat, Remus--crippled in his last battle--and Severus--pardoned but a pariah--manage to forge a connection, despite the expectations of the world around them.
Series so far:
1. Reconciliation 2. Rehabilitation 3. Recovery 4. Reply 5. Rediscovery 6. Receiving 7. Repartee 8. Relapse 9. Requisite 10. Retreat 11. Refining 12. Repose 13. Reconsidering 14. Renaissance 15. Retribution 16. Return 17.Rematch 18. Redefining 19. Relishing 20. Recognition 21. Remembering 22. Refrain 23. Reformation 24. Recrimination 25. Reliance 26. Reverting 27. Repercussion 28. Reminder 29. Retracing 30. Reassurance 31. Restoration 32. Respect
"Here," Severus mutters. "Mahogany, thirteen inches, with a dragon heartstring core." He flips the paper to Remus, who ponders it.
"Too bad Ollivander didn't take snaps of the wands. Have you let Kingsley have a shifty at some of those other files? Or perhaps Tonks knows what happened to it."
"I am not bringing her into this matter," Severus says, his voice firm. It isn't wholly true; she stole the evidence box, after all...
"She brought herself into it when she took me into custody." Remus' voice is mild, but Severus can hear the strain.
"You were never formally charged with anything. It was a precaution."
"Don't take up for the Ministry," Remus says sourly. "Bloody wankers."
"What happened that day, Remus? What was it that was different?" Severus' gaze is intense.
"Different?" Remus shakes his head. "It wasn't that. I just couldn't look myself in the mirror anymore. I knew I had to do something to stop him. I knew what he was, and I'd run with him myself."
"And you killed him to...redeem yourself?"
"Not redemption," Remus says. "Just duty. Not even revenge, because there was no honour involved; just death." His voice is bleak. "It ended it. That's all I cared about, was an ending."
Severus doesn't respond, because he has no idea what to say. He killed the Lestrange brothers because he was trying to get information from them. And he is glad he killed them, after what they did to the man he loves.
"It was about revenge for me," Severus admits. "I thought they had killed you."
Remus tilts his head to one side. "Have you loved me all this time?"
"Loved you...no," Severus says slowly. "But I needed you, long before I realised it." He thinks. "We were the last. Black--well, I hated him. I never stopped hating him. But towards the end, after the Order had reformed, I hated him because you paid attention to him. Because you thought about him. I hated him because I got politeness, but he got the real you."
Remus sighs. "I was always afraid to show you the real me. You're so good at ripping people to shreds with your tongue. What if you saw who I was and found me wanting?"
Severus sighs. "I missed out on a lot."
"Yes, look at me now, unable to walk, addicted to narcotic potions, bitter...You really got cheated."
Severus hates the self-loathing he hears in Remus' voice. "There is nothing wrong with your mind," he says tartly. "And that is what I love, even if looking at you is no hardship."
Remus' laugh sounds startled. "You flatterer," he teases.
That makes Severus smile. He leans over and kisses Remus softly. "I get very tired of hearing you talk like this," he says, stroking his fingers through the graying hair. "I love you no matter whether you can walk or not, whether you can cook or not, whether you are able to brew the simplest pain killing potion or not. You are an intelligent, kind man, whom everyone likes. Why can't you see that about yourself?"
Remus shrugs, looking bewildered. "Why should people like me? I am inoffensive, indecisive, and boring."
Sometimes you're an idiot," Severus snaps, glaring at him.
Remus, inexplicably, laughs again. Sometimes Severus is confused by the things that make Remus laugh. All the same he is pleased when he accomplishes it.
"What do we do next?" Remus asks. "If you're going to fix me, you'll need the Prior Incantatem, which means you need the wand. But...where do we start?"
Severus has been thinking about this since his first conversation with Shacklebolt. "The burial lot," he answers without hesitation. "I'll have to see if it's buried with him."
Remus nods. "Makes sense. They were just dumping the bodies in graves by the end. Some in boxes, some not."
Severus snorts. "Yes, because of course it doesn't matter how Death Eaters are buried."
"It's how a few of the Order members were buried, as well. Not many, it's true." Remus sighs. "The end was very, very messy."
Severus shies away from that topic. "I should be back before lunch. I'll have to spend some of the afternoon on the Wolfsbane Potion."
As if hearing his name, the kitten appears, tearing into the bedroom and running around in circles. It takes them both a minute to stop gaping (or laughing, in Remus' case) and realise the cat is actually chasing a tiny owl. Before Severus has time to react, Remus has whipped out his wand. "Petrificus! Accio!" And the owl is safely cupped in his hands.
Wolfsbane crouches, tail lashing, and watches Remus hungrily. Severus can't help it--he bursts into laughter, though whether at the cat or at his lover, he isn't sure.
Remus looks up, a smile on his face, and that is enough to invite a kiss.
When they part, Remus leans happily against Severus and reads his letter. "Ron and Hermione are inviting us to come for tea."
Severus tenses, but nods eventually. "We'll have to accept, of course."
"That reminds me, we ought to be thinking about names," Remus says. "She's due soon, isn't she?"
Severus shrugs. "Probably."
Remus smiles and kisses him again. "Well, go on your errand," he says,. "I have a letter to answer and a book to read, so I'll be fine."
Severus trails his fingertips along the side of Remus' face. "I love you," he murmurs. Remus smiles.
*
The burial lot is a bleak place. Graves are pushed in chockablock, with tin plaques marking each: name, affiliation, and dates. The affiliation is designated by a skull, a stylized phoenix, and the official Ministry symbol. He is impressed that the Order was acknowledged in so enduring a way.
He is surprised to find Bill Weasley buried here. It is strange, so shortly after having the man in his cellar, even as a memory. Severus pauses, then murmurs a Transfiguration; a moment later his button-turned-red poppy is resting on top of Bill's plaque.
Mulciber is easy to find. The later deaths were buried in the far corner, and Mulciber and Greyback were among the last physical casualties of the war. Severus has forgotten, until now, that Mulciber is--was--two years younger than he. Severus has never considered the man more than a comrade-in-arms, and has for several months actively hated Mulciber's memory, but the reminder gives him pause.
He and Remus are some of the last few survivors of an entire generation of wizards decimated by the war. He recalls the names at his Sorting and can think of less than a dozen whom he is certain have survived.
He sighs. This melancholy, he thinks, is unbecoming; after all, he and Remus are alive. And it accomplishes nothing to further his errand. Sparing a moment to hope there are no monitoring spells on the cemetery, Severus barks out the spell that soon has dirt flying from Mulciber's grave.
The rotting corpse has a wand clasped in the hands folded over its chest. Severus takes the wand, glances carefully over the rest--just robes and a Slytherin ring--and drops the lid again. He reburies Mulciber' hastily and is about to go when he pauses.
When he does leave a moment later, his coat is missing another button. Even Mulciber had a mother who had loved him.
In every row Severus finds cause to stop and Transfigure another poppy. Some are Order, others Death Eaters. Two are even, remarkably enough, Ministry. All are former compatriots of his in some way. With each button lost he hopes to gain a measure of peace; instead his melancholy grows. He is almost relieved to run out of buttons.
Remus has brought his magical chair downstairs and is writing when Severus arrives home with his clothes hanging open.
"Hello, love. Did you find it?" He looks up belatedly from his letter and smiles warmly at Severus. It takes the edge off that lonely chill that has crept in.
Clutching his clothes subtly together, Severus holds up the wand. "I got it," he says.
Then he goes downstairs to perform the test.
Prompt: 46 - Flowers
Pairing: Remus/Severus
Warnings: Slash
WC: 1,359
Redemption - PG to R (WIP) - After Voldemort's defeat, Remus--crippled in his last battle--and Severus--pardoned but a pariah--manage to forge a connection, despite the expectations of the world around them.
Series so far:
1. Reconciliation 2. Rehabilitation 3. Recovery 4. Reply 5. Rediscovery 6. Receiving 7. Repartee 8. Relapse 9. Requisite 10. Retreat 11. Refining 12. Repose 13. Reconsidering 14. Renaissance 15. Retribution 16. Return 17.Rematch 18. Redefining 19. Relishing 20. Recognition 21. Remembering 22. Refrain 23. Reformation 24. Recrimination 25. Reliance 26. Reverting 27. Repercussion 28. Reminder 29. Retracing 30. Reassurance 31. Restoration 32. Respect
"Here," Severus mutters. "Mahogany, thirteen inches, with a dragon heartstring core." He flips the paper to Remus, who ponders it.
"Too bad Ollivander didn't take snaps of the wands. Have you let Kingsley have a shifty at some of those other files? Or perhaps Tonks knows what happened to it."
"I am not bringing her into this matter," Severus says, his voice firm. It isn't wholly true; she stole the evidence box, after all...
"She brought herself into it when she took me into custody." Remus' voice is mild, but Severus can hear the strain.
"You were never formally charged with anything. It was a precaution."
"Don't take up for the Ministry," Remus says sourly. "Bloody wankers."
"What happened that day, Remus? What was it that was different?" Severus' gaze is intense.
"Different?" Remus shakes his head. "It wasn't that. I just couldn't look myself in the mirror anymore. I knew I had to do something to stop him. I knew what he was, and I'd run with him myself."
"And you killed him to...redeem yourself?"
"Not redemption," Remus says. "Just duty. Not even revenge, because there was no honour involved; just death." His voice is bleak. "It ended it. That's all I cared about, was an ending."
Severus doesn't respond, because he has no idea what to say. He killed the Lestrange brothers because he was trying to get information from them. And he is glad he killed them, after what they did to the man he loves.
"It was about revenge for me," Severus admits. "I thought they had killed you."
Remus tilts his head to one side. "Have you loved me all this time?"
"Loved you...no," Severus says slowly. "But I needed you, long before I realised it." He thinks. "We were the last. Black--well, I hated him. I never stopped hating him. But towards the end, after the Order had reformed, I hated him because you paid attention to him. Because you thought about him. I hated him because I got politeness, but he got the real you."
Remus sighs. "I was always afraid to show you the real me. You're so good at ripping people to shreds with your tongue. What if you saw who I was and found me wanting?"
Severus sighs. "I missed out on a lot."
"Yes, look at me now, unable to walk, addicted to narcotic potions, bitter...You really got cheated."
Severus hates the self-loathing he hears in Remus' voice. "There is nothing wrong with your mind," he says tartly. "And that is what I love, even if looking at you is no hardship."
Remus' laugh sounds startled. "You flatterer," he teases.
That makes Severus smile. He leans over and kisses Remus softly. "I get very tired of hearing you talk like this," he says, stroking his fingers through the graying hair. "I love you no matter whether you can walk or not, whether you can cook or not, whether you are able to brew the simplest pain killing potion or not. You are an intelligent, kind man, whom everyone likes. Why can't you see that about yourself?"
Remus shrugs, looking bewildered. "Why should people like me? I am inoffensive, indecisive, and boring."
Sometimes you're an idiot," Severus snaps, glaring at him.
Remus, inexplicably, laughs again. Sometimes Severus is confused by the things that make Remus laugh. All the same he is pleased when he accomplishes it.
"What do we do next?" Remus asks. "If you're going to fix me, you'll need the Prior Incantatem, which means you need the wand. But...where do we start?"
Severus has been thinking about this since his first conversation with Shacklebolt. "The burial lot," he answers without hesitation. "I'll have to see if it's buried with him."
Remus nods. "Makes sense. They were just dumping the bodies in graves by the end. Some in boxes, some not."
Severus snorts. "Yes, because of course it doesn't matter how Death Eaters are buried."
"It's how a few of the Order members were buried, as well. Not many, it's true." Remus sighs. "The end was very, very messy."
Severus shies away from that topic. "I should be back before lunch. I'll have to spend some of the afternoon on the Wolfsbane Potion."
As if hearing his name, the kitten appears, tearing into the bedroom and running around in circles. It takes them both a minute to stop gaping (or laughing, in Remus' case) and realise the cat is actually chasing a tiny owl. Before Severus has time to react, Remus has whipped out his wand. "Petrificus! Accio!" And the owl is safely cupped in his hands.
Wolfsbane crouches, tail lashing, and watches Remus hungrily. Severus can't help it--he bursts into laughter, though whether at the cat or at his lover, he isn't sure.
Remus looks up, a smile on his face, and that is enough to invite a kiss.
When they part, Remus leans happily against Severus and reads his letter. "Ron and Hermione are inviting us to come for tea."
Severus tenses, but nods eventually. "We'll have to accept, of course."
"That reminds me, we ought to be thinking about names," Remus says. "She's due soon, isn't she?"
Severus shrugs. "Probably."
Remus smiles and kisses him again. "Well, go on your errand," he says,. "I have a letter to answer and a book to read, so I'll be fine."
Severus trails his fingertips along the side of Remus' face. "I love you," he murmurs. Remus smiles.
*
The burial lot is a bleak place. Graves are pushed in chockablock, with tin plaques marking each: name, affiliation, and dates. The affiliation is designated by a skull, a stylized phoenix, and the official Ministry symbol. He is impressed that the Order was acknowledged in so enduring a way.
He is surprised to find Bill Weasley buried here. It is strange, so shortly after having the man in his cellar, even as a memory. Severus pauses, then murmurs a Transfiguration; a moment later his button-turned-red poppy is resting on top of Bill's plaque.
Mulciber is easy to find. The later deaths were buried in the far corner, and Mulciber and Greyback were among the last physical casualties of the war. Severus has forgotten, until now, that Mulciber is--was--two years younger than he. Severus has never considered the man more than a comrade-in-arms, and has for several months actively hated Mulciber's memory, but the reminder gives him pause.
He and Remus are some of the last few survivors of an entire generation of wizards decimated by the war. He recalls the names at his Sorting and can think of less than a dozen whom he is certain have survived.
He sighs. This melancholy, he thinks, is unbecoming; after all, he and Remus are alive. And it accomplishes nothing to further his errand. Sparing a moment to hope there are no monitoring spells on the cemetery, Severus barks out the spell that soon has dirt flying from Mulciber's grave.
The rotting corpse has a wand clasped in the hands folded over its chest. Severus takes the wand, glances carefully over the rest--just robes and a Slytherin ring--and drops the lid again. He reburies Mulciber' hastily and is about to go when he pauses.
When he does leave a moment later, his coat is missing another button. Even Mulciber had a mother who had loved him.
In every row Severus finds cause to stop and Transfigure another poppy. Some are Order, others Death Eaters. Two are even, remarkably enough, Ministry. All are former compatriots of his in some way. With each button lost he hopes to gain a measure of peace; instead his melancholy grows. He is almost relieved to run out of buttons.
Remus has brought his magical chair downstairs and is writing when Severus arrives home with his clothes hanging open.
"Hello, love. Did you find it?" He looks up belatedly from his letter and smiles warmly at Severus. It takes the edge off that lonely chill that has crept in.
Clutching his clothes subtly together, Severus holds up the wand. "I got it," he says.
Then he goes downstairs to perform the test.
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no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 03:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 03:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 03:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 03:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 03:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 03:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 04:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 04:28 am (UTC)Ooh, I like that. In some ways, Severus is like a little child, with a simple understanding of other people's emotions.
I'm glad to see more of this story!
no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 04:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 05:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 07:35 am (UTC)I just re-read the last five or so chapter (hadn't realized that I hadn't read the one before this yay me!) and omg isolovethis!
:snogs:
xD
no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 08:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 03:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 03:44 pm (UTC)*warm hugs*
love, lore
no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 04:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-18 10:02 pm (UTC)The one thing that made me wonder was why Remus does not ask Severus to perform the reseach of Mulcibers wand where he can watch.
He is a skilled magician himself, why does he leave it all to his lover?
I like the idea of Snape having to visit very pregnant Hermione and Ron for tea. I am sure you'll get us all amused with the scene.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-19 05:38 am (UTC)I was moved by the images of all those graves, so many together, all jumbled together, soon to be forgotten - designated by a skull, a phoenix or the ministry symbol - even in death the affiliations are named. Very poignant & moving.